Reliance
by joolicooli
Summary: Something different. What if SEELE knew too much, too soon? What is a world without NERV's power in the presence of Angels, SEELE, and the other powers that run unchecked across the exhausted planet? Who can be trusted? Mid-series shift, in character.S
1. Chapter 1  Bruises

Don't Leave Me

**Don't Leave Me**

A/N: Have you ever heard the song "The Futile" by Say Anything? It reminds me of my writing methods for this. Yeah… So here's a basic set-up to get you going on this one. It helps if you give it a read.

This all begins in an undefined time later in the series.  
You can guess that it's SEELE behind a large portion of the following misfortune.  
In a world filled with desperation and suddenly attacked by the monsters of the apocalypse, some people will sacrifice anything to find a way to fight back; including the lives of the two remaining, NERV trained pilots.

Interlude: A Disaster?

Miles outside the glittering metropolis of Tokyo-3, a radio was turned up.

"_Hello? Is this on? Am I on?_

"_This is Denny Iowan reporting breaking news for KWLS radio, your trusted local news station. Ladies and Gents, there has been a disaster…_

"_I can see from the window the burning remains of a great facility._

"_NERV headquarters, with all of their robotics genius, has been destroyed._

"_The last attack on this city was a surprise as usual, but we were not prepared to fight back this time. The red robot is scattered across the city and what looks like… blood! Rivers of it are crashing through the streets. There are pieces of the blue robot surrounding the station and there is no sign of the Monster. _

"_Military—I've never seen so many tanks! There is some military being sent into the remains of that underground base… probably to rescue survivors._

"_Oh! What will we do if that thing comes back! I recommend getting the hell outta' here! Everyone, this is not a joke! Look out of your windows! _

"_Wait— ! I see some movement at the edge of the rubble… They appear to be evacuating some people by jet! Oh thank God, someone made it…wait._

"_There is a yellow gas leaking from the rubble… the troops are retreating. Gas masks? Hold on…is that what it looks like?_

"…_They're blowing up the remains! What the hell?! Why would they—"_

A frustrated listener shook his small radio to try and get back his lost signal as a distant concussion rattled his home. The station tower was suddenly struck with a missile from the retreating plane and was now nothing but ash…

Chap 1: Bruises

Without a single backward glance she ran; as fast and hard as she could. Over two fences, past barrack buildings, cracked concrete pads, strewn broken cables, and shattered glass… all of it streamed by in a streaking blur as she ran with her head down. She clenched her eyes almost shut; open just enough to see where she was going. Her breaths were sharp and cold as she breathed through icy teeth; grit in pain and anger. For almost twenty minutes she ran this way, in a straight line, pushing her limits, without a destination or purpose aside from escaping. The light faded as she entered a dark forest. Almost without warning, she tumbled forward and began heaving and sputtering.

Her exhaustion and oxygen deprivation fought each other for dominance as she tried to steady her breathing. She couldn't stop gasping and her vision blurred with tears from the helpless efforts. This sharp pain was exactly what she wanted but she couldn't appreciate this yet; because she had achieved it. She could feel nothing but pure, primal pain and bodily urgency. The needs and functions of her body overrode the psychological ramifications that cloud the mind. Everything was clear, sharp, cold, and clean for the first time in a long time.

Minutes passed before she could sit straight up, stop gripping the grass for support, open her squeezed eyes, and steady her breathing. Each slow, shuddery breath was frosty and hot at the same time. The sweat on her back grew cold and she shivered violently. She glared at the grey evening light through the treetops. _I did it… I escaped._

A rustling sound startled her as she began to stand up. Someone was running towards her. She jumped up, alarmed, and weakly jogged deeper into the forest for cover. She would _not_ be caught. The figure crashed along, only meters behind her. Her muscles burned as her lactic-acid levels skyrocketed. She was going to pass out. Black pressure crept into the corners of her vision and the rocky ground flew up to meet her as she tumbled once more.

She awoke in a much warmer place than where she fell. _No! They took me back… They caught me… _Feigning sleep, she made an effort to maintain her breathing speed and add the occasional appropriate REM twitch. If they knew she was awake, they would probably do something horrible to her for running away. Minutes passed but nobody approached her, and her panic began to prevent her from maintaining the sleep act. There was an unfamiliar crackling sound, and she was becoming increasingly aware of the dried blood on her forehead. _Time to investigate_… She opened one eye slightly. A fire… Grass… She wasn't back. She sat up confusedly and searched the surrounding darkness. Trees, a fire, moss patched ground; she was still in the forest. Nobody was there. She moved closer to the small fire for warmth and began to cough violently, her lungs still not up to the effort of deep breaths. It was extremely cold out tonight. Suddenly the figure appeared once more from the darkness, meters away. Her eyes widened in anxiety—

"Asuka," It spoke… It was _him_.

"Shinji?" she asked scratchily. _He escaped too? How could they have missed both of us?_

"What the _hell_ were you thinking?" he abruptly shouted. "You could have been shot; they warned us about the security. And you didn't even—"

"Oh shut up," she interrupted. "You came too after all. Besides, they couldn't afford to shoot me and lose their precious pilot. Their 'security' is greatly compromised in an effort to remain so well hidden. I saw what was going on and got out as soon as I could." Her venomous response dissolved Shinji's aggression instantly, just like always.

"You didn't let me finish, Asuka." He mumbled.

"Fine. What then?"

"You didn't tell _me_ you were going."

Asuka Stared at him in shock. Of course she didn't tell him, she hadn't seen him since their arrival at the facility. There was no way she could contact him. What was he doing here with her? She opened her mouth to point this out but began to cough violently. Shinji stumbled over and hunched awkwardly beside her, afraid to reach out. She shot a glare at him for his cowardice but it was quickly broken by another fit. This time he didn't recoil. She clutched his arm for support as she dry heaved and coughed painfully. Without expression, he patted her back, hoping that it would help somehow. Finally she collapsed against him, gasping, and slowed her breathing again. "It's really cold…" She said weakly as she shrugged him off. He scooted away again nervously.

_She really does hate me. She doesn't even want my help now._ "I managed to grab a few things, but lost most of them climbing the fences." He held out a small, ripped bundle of cotton cloth. "I lost the food, but got a pot, a lighter, and some… oh crap.."

"What?"

"I lost the bandages too… It was so hard to get those…"

"Give me a blanket," Asuka said through chattering teeth. He handed her the bigger one, still too small to cover all of her legs.

"Sorry I lost the food…"

"Oh stop. You we're stupid to bring anything, it might have been the death of you, idiot." She hunched closer to the flames, trying to cover herself as much as possible with the blanket. Shinji sighed but didn't counter. He dropped the other blanket on her shoulder and walked back into the darkness. "Wait-!" she shrieked. _**Don't**__ leave me by myself, dumkompf._

"I'll be right back. There was a creek or something over here somewhere." He waved the pot in explanation and weakly smiled. She cut her eyes at him for that, but stared after him anxiously until he returned with the small pot full of clear water. "Man, that water's cold…" He whined. She handed him his blanket. "Thanks."

"Hmm..." She watched him heat the water on rocks from the fire until it boiled. The pot held barely enough water for two people. "Where did you get that anyway?_"_

"From the staff kitchen at the facility's barracks. It was completely deserted after you escaped. Kensuke taught me how to boil the water like this when we used to camp out." He smiled at his own attempt to invoke a conversation.

"Hmm..." Attempt: failed. She just stared silently into the flames.

"Hey, Asuka?"

"What?"

"They stopped letting me ask where you were and how you were doing after the first week or so, you know… and well, your cough … I was worried, and you look really sick. What happened in there…? I mean, what did they do to—" She cut off his stammering concern with a glare. He slowly closed his mouth on the word and waited for Asuka to speak; and watched the cold fires in her eyes die down as she thought about what to say.

"They made me take dangerous drugs and toyed with my nervous system trying to find a way to maintain 100 synchronization at all times. They want to make the perfect _dummy_-pilot, a revised copy of a compatible pilot's nervous system and combat behavioral tendencies. One without emotional attachments…" Her voice was distant and quiet.

"So… like a clone? Or… a program?" he asked. _Like… Rei?_

"No, don't be ridiculous. They didn't want to create another being, just… alter an existing one. Like _me_ for instance…" Her words were dripping with cold hatred as she shook a little with rage. _They wanted to take everything from me and leave a shell. _

"Oh," was the dumb response from Shinji as he realized just how stupid his question was. _They were going to completely wipe her mind and emotions from the equation. They were going to…_

"They never told me what was in the injections or tubes. I bet they didn't even know what they would do to _me_, but I took them whether I wanted to or not. They shuffled through my thoughts like files in a cabinet while I was so stupefied. Ever since they captured us and the evas, they've been running so many tests and simulations I lost track of where I was for a while… I don't even know how long I was in there, but I knew they were about to give up on me." She picked absently at the moss she sat on as the firelight danced wickedly in her eyes. "They still have the plug _program_, but without me it's pointless. If they finish one, they won't need us anymore; you know. They were probably getting close to finishing by now but…my vitals were too low or something… They kept pumping me full of so many drugs… I think I lost myself for a long, long time." Her eyes fluttered with exhaustion as she finished. Shinji's face had been slowly contorting with horror throughout her story.

_They never experimented with me like that… I guess it would be pointless without my Eva but… They never even suspected me of hiding it. If I had told them where Unit 1 was…would I have been their choice for this new "dummy-pilot" program? _Guilt was creeping into his consciousness like the frost that lingered a few feet from them, just out of the fire's heat. He rubbed his arms to stifle more than one type of chill.

"I had no idea, Asuka. I was confined to my room, told you were being re-trained or something… I would have never been able to slip out of there if it wasn't for the confusion your escape caused. They were scattering all over like roaches when they heard you were outside the perimeter. " The barbed-wire scratches on his arms began to itch at the thought of his lucky escape. "They said that someone killed my fa— Gendo, you know. They never answered direct questions or anything; but I could eavesdrop on the guards from time to time. I don't know much English, but at least the fact that they spoke English gives us clues to where we are." _Too bad I was unconscious for the trip here._ "So even though I wasn't allowed to ask about NERV or Rei or anything to do with the Evas; I'm pretty sure Seele is running everything now." _But… they still don't have unit one… _He clenched his fist around a handful of cold dirt. "We were there for two and a half months at least, Asuka."

"Seele…" She spat the word out as if it were disgusting, even to the taste. "I was only able to escape because of some meeting the scientists went to about Seele and deadlines or something. I guess they assumed I was too weak to need restraints at this point. It was a stupid assumption."

"The dummy plug system... So we become nothing but mindless tools, property to them after the plugs are perfected." Asuka shrugged and reached up to feel the cut above her eyebrow. The blood was crusty and cold. "Here," he said, scooting closer with the water. "That's what the water is for." Shinji ripped the corner off of his blanket and dipped it in the pot. _Ouch that's hot…_ She closed her eyes and submitted to his doctoring with only a moderately perturbed expression as he cleaned the cut and wiped the dried blood from her left eyebrow.

"Done yet?" she asked with instinctual aggression. She knew he wasn't done but the contact was infuriating for some reason. He mumbled apologies and began to back away from her. She caught his arm. "Sorry. Thank you. That feels a lot better." _I have to stop attacking him like that. I can't deal with his emotions out here… There's nowhere to retreat to._

"It's no big deal, really," he said nervously, glancing from her eyes to her hand.

"Well fine then, but thanks anyway…" Suddenly aware of her death grip on his small wrist, she loosened up and tried to pull him down to sit beside her again and finish; but he flinched and slipped away to re-wet the cloth. She coughed a little more and had to lie down while he wiped away the rest of the crusted blood.

"I-I don't think it will scar." He said, breaking the silence. "It looks like you hit a rock when you fell. You run faster than anyone I've ever met, by-the-way. I escaped only ten minutes or so after you were reported missing, and still couldn't catch up. They were so busy trying to find you that I was overlooked almost entirely." _Aside from that one guard._ He grit his teeth as he remembered crashing his plastic food tray into the back of the man's skull.

"I was going to outrun them or run myself to death trying." _Anything to spite them after all they put me through. _"It helped to purge my mind of the drugs for a while." She noted that the fuzzy, muffled feeling was fading to be replaced by a sharp awareness of temperature.

"You probably sweat out a lot of them." He watched her shiver with sympathy. "Um…Want my blanket?"

"No, you use it. I'm perfectly fine." _Keep your pity to yourself. _A shiver revealed her bluff.

"Here." Shinji covered her legs with the small scrap before she could rebut. Her clothes were unfamiliar to him and uncomfortable looking: A grey and white one piece body suit, similar in design to their plug suits but with detachable boots and elbow-high gloves; and without a vacuum mechanism. There were all sorts of strange, ripped wires hanging from the center of her back and neck that he could only guess the function of. He glanced at his own attire guiltily. His cotton, plain grey pants and over shirt with a black undershirt were much more suited to the climate than her leathery jumpsuit. He noticed that it wrinkled loosely on her thin frame. "What are you wearing? That doesn't look like a plug-suit."

"I don't know what they called it back there. It's thicker and stiffer though, and it's all they let me wear. There are a lot of holes in it for needles and iv's" She held out a bruised wrist for him to see. Even that effort seemed to drastically add to her encroaching exhaustion.

"Oh god, that looks horrible!" he whispered. Carefully, he held out her thin arm between his fingers as if it might strike at him at any moment. He examined the bruises through several circular, metal-rimmed holes in the material. He felt tears and guilt rising from somewhere at the sight of the splotches. There were _so_ _many_ needle holes and fingerprint-bruises; and she had lost an awful lot of muscle mass. _This would be me, not her, if I had told them where I hid the Eva. Shinji _blinked back tears with horrified eyes and shot a glance at Asuka's face. _I can __**not**__ cry in front of her. _She was already sound asleep. Shinji watched her shiny eyelids twitch and noticed for the first time just how tired she looked. Her cheekbones were strangely visible under darkened eye sockets and above chapped, cracked lips. He was grieved to see her this way, without her mask of overconfidence and prideful glow. She appeared to be the ghost of her former self, barely hanging on to this world.

With bomb-squad caution, he gently pulled off her detachable gloves, sticky with old blood; and wiped his stray tear off on his shoulder. A rainbow of horrible handprint bruises tattooed each arm where she was held down, pulled, and grabbed. _She fought back. _He tucked her arms back under the blanket and curled into a ball on the other side of the fire. The gloves gave off a sickening smell as they burned.

_I should have just told them… This never would have happened to her if I had given them what they wanted. They wanted my Eva, not hers. She was a last resort. _In his mind, those bruises were his fault. As if he had put them there himself, he felt responsible…

Hours before dawn, Shinji fell asleep and the fire went out. Asuka awoke to another painful coughing fit to see a note written in the dirt beside her.

_**Back in a minute, went to get more water.**_

She stood up slowly and shakily, brushing off leaves and dirt. Her legs hurt, and her abdomen was sore from coughing. _We will have to find shelter and food soon if we're planning on surviving this_. With a disgusted look, she stared at her bare bony arms and their bruises. _He must have taken off my gloves while I slept. That was… nice of him._ What was left of them had been stirred into the ashes of the fire.

Suddenly, bursting into the clearing, Shinji ran towards her with a wild look in his eyes. "They're after us!"

"What?" Asuka moaned at her weakened state. There was no way she could outrun the dogs. Shinji grabbed her arm urgently, causing her to shriek at her bruises.

"Oh god, I'm sorry!" He recoiled in horror and gripped his hair. Panic caused him to seize up and freeze there, unsure of what to do. "Sorry, sorry, sorry…" he mumbled strangely.

"Shut _up_, let's just go! She said while squeezing tears out of her eyes. Shinji held out his hand this time and she grabbed it fiercely and began to run, leaving their few supplies behind. They tore through the trees as quickly as possible, but he was practically dragging her the whole time. The howls of sirens and dogs fueled their terror and gave them the strength to speed up; running with no direction once more, deeper into the unfamiliar woods. In minutes, they could see a wide river-bank ahead of them and the dogs close behind them.

Suddenly, at the worst possible moment; Asuka tripped and her hand wrenched itself from his. He spun around as quickly as he could and hoisted her to her feet. Her eyes were cloudy and unfocused as she struggled to catch her breath. Shinji glanced in the direction of the approaching howls one last time before bending over, grabbing her around the waist and slinging her over his shoulder. The adrenalin was roaring through his veins. There was no protest from her.

More quickly than he would have imagined was possible; Shinji waded across the waist-deep water toward the thicker trees on the other side. Asuka clutched his shirt and struggled to hold her face away from the icy water. Half-way across Shinji lost footing and slipped under the fast moving surface with a shout. The current wrenched her away from him as well as his over-shirt before he could regain his balance. He broke the surface of the water with a scream. "Asuka!" She was nowhere to be seen in the white, swirling chaos. He clutched a rock and searched for her red hair frantically. _Please don't drown! Oh my God, please don't drown…!_

"Shinji!" came her cry from a few meters away. He saw her just before she was jerked back under the water by a rapid. "Help!" She clawed at the rocks as she raced by them, but her weak arms wouldn't hold her to them for more than a few seconds. She winced as she felt a fingernail break against one of the rocks, sucking in water in the process.

"Asuka!" He pushed off his rock towards her bobbing head. She kept trying to call him, but her calls were drowned in the roaring water. He bumped into rock after rock, like some sickening pinball as he tried to follow her. Finally Asuka was able to grip one of the slick stones. He aimed himself towards it, reached out, and… got it! His fingernails scraped desperately for a moment and then; he was right there with her. The water was slower here but over both of their heads. "Hold on to my shoulders!" Shinji shouted above the roar of the nearby rapids. She clawed into him and he swam desperately for the pebble bank, about fifteen meters away.

Gasping and drained, He dragged himself ashore with Asuka still on his back and lay there. For almost a minute, he completely forgot the initial danger as they sputtered and struggled to breathe. She could feel his heartbeat through his back and her own, slower pulse pound against his. He gently turned over and let Asuka roll off of him onto the cold pebbles. Shakily, he helped her to her feet and began examining himself for injuries. His legs were bleeding from his fall and his back from her nails. He held her out at arm length and looked her over as she coughed and swayed. She was deathly pale with bluish lips.

"We have to keep moving, come on." She said with as much force as possible. He nodded and wrapped her arm over his shoulder to help her walk. Pitifully slow, they trudged, shivering, into the trees.

The warmly dressed officer gripped the dog's leash firmly as it paced back and forth along the river bank. He frowned angrily and pulled at his mustache. The pilots' chance of survival in the river at this time of year was not good. Not good for him especially. Another warmly dressed officer trotted over to him with a soaked scrap of grey cloth. "It's the male's over-shirt sir. Ripped off, found 200 meters downriver. No other signs of them have been picked up by the dogs. They probably…"

"Silence. There is still a chance they are out there, injured and cold. If they die of hypothermia or bleed to death it will be our fault, and I will **not** be explaining our failure to follow through on this search. If they have drowned; nobody sleeps until we find the bodies." A snarl emphasized his urgency and agitation.

"Yes sir"

"Tell all of the men to meet here for orders in sixty minutes. They won't get far…"


	2. Chapter 2  Bones

Chapter 2 - Bones

"I have to stop and rest," Asuka said deliriously, "Just for a minute. Let go." Shinji nodded and sank to his knees. They had managed to put the river way out of sight without stopping and the dogs and sirens had ceased sounding almost an hour ago. He lay down shivering in the dirt beside Asuka. Wherever they were, the weather, trees, and even the dirt were completely unfamiliar. He realized they might be anywhere in the whole world and nobody was coming to save them. "Shinji, your legs." Asuka pointed to his scraped skin, bloody and pale.

"Don't worry about it, there's nothing to be done. What about you?"

"I don't know. I'm too cold to feel anything. We need shelter." _It's already late afternoon._

"Yeah, and food," He added. He sat up and took in their surroundings. "You know, the fact that a forest of this size still exists is pretty amazing. I bet we're in North America somewhere. Look at all the pine-trees." He flashed a brave smile at her, hoping to lift her mood a bit, but she wasn't looking. "Hey Asuka?"

"Amazing…? You idiot. Don't you realize? Seele wouldn't put their secret base within a hundred miles of civilization. It doesn't matter what continent we're on because even if we are in North America, we are completely alone out here. This forest will be the death of us both." She closed her eyes and let out a long shuddery breath. "Our only hope now is to die before they find us."

"Don't say that!" Shinji shouted angrily. He propped himself up on his elbows. "How can you say things like that? Do you want to die?"

"I don't care anymore, Shinji. Look at me. Everyone is dead, I can't do anything, and I've never felt so weak. If we die, who's going to care? Seele will only care because they need us for power and there's nobody who—"

"Shut up." Asuka opened her eyes in surprise. "I'm sick of this. We escaped and now we're going to make it out of here." He leaned over and looked desperately into her eyes. "I care about us. I want us to live." She grit her teeth and broke eye contact.

"It's about time you stood up for something Shinji; but you're too late. Don't be stupid. We're already as good as gone." She stared back into his eyes with a frightening look. His heart sank and he looked away, at the ground. "If you really want to live, then leave me here and go on your own. I'm too tired and it's hopeless anyway. Just go away." Her words seemed to bubble up un-summoned. She only half-believed them.

"No." He bit his quivering lip and looked up at her once more. His eyes seemed to be questioning his own tenacity. "I'm not leaving you and we are not staying here. You always tell me I'm wrong, and look at us now. You always tell me to take charge and now I will. I don't care if it's too late. Get up." He was dimly aware that he had stood up and was shouting down at her.

"I won't. I'm too tired. Just go." She said defiantly through chattering teeth. He ignored her and leaned down to lift her to her feet. "Get off you pervert, you can't make me go die with you. Leave me here and go die by yourself!"

"No!" Shinji set his face to a completely emotionless mask. It had become one of his ways of dealing with her stubbornness at the apartment when she would tease or torture him about something. Show any weakness and she attacked it, show any joy and she perverted it. He was easily able to push aside her slow hands and lift her to her feet from under her arms. She made a few weak attempts to stop him, but despite the rising level of his weakness and exhaustion, she was much worse. Finally, her growls and shoves stopped and he was able to keep her still.

"You jerk," was her final attack before resigning to become an unwilling backpack. Her mind screamed at him and pounded his face but it was no use. Shinji refused to speak to her or put her down. Eventually she gave up entirely and allowed herself to fall asleep with her thin arms locked uncomfortably around his neck. He did his best to ignore the chokehold and her breath on his shoulder and trudged onward, back towards the river to follow it downstream. They moved slowly, but at least there was definite progress. It was a long time before he could focus on any one thought. Shinji decided that the river was their best bet for a way to civilization even if it did make them easier to find.

_I can't believe how light she is… She feels like nothing, even when I'm this tired. I wonder how long it has been since she last ate._ Like a catalyst, the thought of food caused the hydrochloric acid in his stomach to bubble up into his throat. _Acid reflux_. He thought about how little he had eaten since the beginning of this ordeal. Food was quickly becoming a thorn in his mind, jabbing him with every thought. He let it, subconsciously happy for the distraction. After an unbearably long silence interrupted by his whining stomach, the sound of the river filled the void with the promise of a meal. He walked a little closer to the water's edge. _I wonder if there are any fish._ For close to ten minutes he limped slowly along the bank in search of food before he saw the first small fish. "Asuka wake up! Look!" he whispered urgently.

"What is it now?" she groaned. He let go of one of her legs and pointed to a few trout swimming in place against the current. Asuka sighed and laid her head down on his other shoulder. "Big deal. Don't get back in the river, unless you want to freeze to death even faster." Shinji didn't respond but carefully crouched down and let Asuka slide off of him onto the ground.

_I need a stick._ Quickly he searched for one nearby. _There!_ He grabbed the long piece of a splintered branch and edged to the bank once again. _Still there… Okay I've got one shot. I've read about people surviving on fish. This can be done, right?_

Asuka was watching him disapprovingly as he leaned over the surface of the water with his spear. "Yeah right Shinji. You can't take aim like that. Light diffracts against the water, dumkompf; you'll miss. Just leave them," she moaned, propping herself up on her bruised elbows.

_Good point…diffraction._ He was only halfway listening._ Okay I think I've got it._ Painstakingly slowly, Shinji lowered the tip of the branch into the water about thirty centimeters above the fish's head. Sure enough the image of the stick under water was a little off to the side; he would have missed. The unsuspecting fish didn't notice his doom above him. _Okay just a little more to the right. All right …Now! _He stabbed the fish excitedly, scaring himself a little.

"I got it! Holy crap I actually got it Asuka!" He lifted the branch towards her proudly. The fish was already dead, speared perfectly in the back. "We have food."

"Sushi? And I guess you're going to cut it up with rocks?" She said complained sarcastically. Shinji pulled the lighter from his pocket. It was sealed, but the starter was soaked and ruined. He glanced at all of the smooth river stones with a frown.

"Yes. We'll have to eat raw fish, but I can break a rock to cut it with. Maybe we can figure out how to start a fire. We have food and water." He almost smiled, but checked himself.

"Enjoy yourself. I hate raw fish."

"Too bad. This one is all yours." He handed her the stick and picked up a smooth stone from the bank. With as much force as he could muster he flung it at another rock, breaking into three, sharp-edged fragments. _I've never killed an animal before… At least I've served whole fish before._ He took the trout back from her and proceeded to clean it as best he could, making a pile of the guts and bones to use as bait for more. He handed the finished product to Asuka, freshly rinsed in the river. "We'll have to risk germs. Not that you care." He put the two slabs of pink meat in her hand and threw his bait into the river. "Eat all of it, you need it." Shinji waited patiently for her to begin, but felt himself tremble in fear of her reaction to his orders.

Asuka frowned and glared but ate anyway. Satisfied, Shinji began to pace the river for more fish. It didn't taste as bad as she had guessed, but the texture was sickening. _How can Japanese people eat this by choice?_ Nevertheless, she hadn't eaten solid food since her arrival to wherever they were. Just iv's and liquids. Even a bad texture was better than the burning and acrid liquids poured into an unwilling throat. Shinji returned unsuccessful, but was determined her would find more before nightfall. _It's not like him to be confident. He probably taking advantage of my weakness to boss me around some. _She watched him rinse his gashed legs without whimpering or wincing. "_What did they do to him?_" she wondered curiously. Suddenly, another coughing fit was wracking her entire body as she choked on her fish. She doubled over at the pain in her ribs from her fits. He ran to her side and laid a hand on her shoulder; she accepted it and slowly regained her composure. "At least I kept it down." She said, trying to wipe the disgusting concern from his face. _Stop staring at me._

"Let's get going, we'll find somewhere to make a shelter." He knelt down and helped her to stand. "Can you walk?"

"I'm fine," She said, shrugging off his arm. "Let me walk a while." He complied and let her lead them along the riverbank, keeping a hawk's eye toward the river and her wobbly stride. They walked slowly, but without a destination speed seemed pointless. They didn't hear the dogs again all day. He missed three more fish before finally spearing one for himself hours later. The victory was a welcome reason for conversation and a break. They sat back-to-back to keep from lying down in the wet sand with weakness. He ate quickly, and loudly; making Asuka envious of his meal. He heard her involuntary gulps and smacks and looked at the last of his meal with a sigh.

"Here, my fish was bigger," Shinji said as he handed her the chunk of trout. She accepted without a fight or thanks and ate it slowly to prevent strangling herself. He shivered a little as a breeze lifted their hair and was reminded him of the urgency of his shelter search. They noticed a lot of dead trees and pine straw and decided it would be best to build a shelter now and resign early. The evening sun shone coldly above and the night was sure to be awful. "I'm going to build something, you get away from the wet sand and take a nap okay? I don't think I can carry you much longer like this. Sorry"

"Don't apologize, I never asked you to carry me." She said venomously.

"Right, Forget it then." He said, suppressing a flinch at her attack. He couldn't show his fear of her now. He couldn't deal with that.

As he stood up; the leathery material of her suit stuck to his back where the undershirt was torn. He realized just how horribly useless their clothes were in this weather, especially hers. "Asuka, while I'm gone, maybe you should dry out your suit, it's airtight, but probably full of river water that could freeze you to death when it gets colder tonight. I-I'll keep my distance."

"I'll freeze to death if I take it off." She whined.

"You'll freeze to death if you _don't_; so please just do it anyway. You don't care, remember?"

"If I don't care, then I'll just leave it." She squinted her eyes in victory.

"If you don't then I will. So…so there." With a completely fake mask of passiveness he glared straight into her eyes and tried his best to appear serious. _God I hope that worked. _Asuka was shocked at his brave statement; but merely rolled her eyes and grumbled at him. She shooed him away, letting him win this one. Shinji stomped off quickly and let out the breath he had been holding. _I can't believe I said that, and it worked. _He smiled a little to himself as he searched for some limbs that weren't damp and rotten on his way deeper into the trees.

.He made a large pile of semi-dry pine straw in between three fallen trees that formed a deep triangle-shaped trough. He guessed that it must be late winter, for lack of foliage, insects and the temperature. After a half-hour of dragging what decent limbs and leaves he could over the top of the trough; he had created a decent shelter that he hoped would be insulated enough for the night ahead. A fire was out of the question. Not only was every piece of timber half soaked and rotten, but there was also his lack of Boy Scout knowledge. Even Kensuke used lighters or matches for his campfires. He frowned at the lean-to's shabby, den-shape but was far too exhausted to scrutinize. With a sigh he tromped heavily back to the shore without considering how little time his handiwork had taken. The tired boy came shuffling up to the river with his head hanging low with exhaustion.

"Hey Asuka, the shelter's finis—"

"You idiot I said I'd call you!" Asuka shrieked hoarsely as she quickly spun around and fumbled with the seal on the back of the suit. Shinji had lifted his face to see her only halfway done redressing a few meters away. He quickly turned his back on her and began tearing at his hair in embarrassment for walking up on her half-dressed. He wanted to apologize, but refused to allow himself. He knew where it would lead. He just focused on wiping the blurred image of her waist-up nakedness from his mind. "You pervert!" she growled angrily while continuing to fumble with the seal. Shinji flinched at a particularly violent sounding stream of German directed at him.

"It was completely accidental." _Don't apologize. Don't apologize._ "I'm not like that." He stole another look to see if she was finished. The seal on her back was out of her reach, but she was decently covered now. "Let me do that" He said.

"I've got it." She said stubbornly. He ignored her and approached anyway. There was no way she could seal the back by herself.

"I'll do it, move your arm." His fingers shook as he fixed the seal, but his face was stone still. His eyes drifted down her back, the only part of her uncovered by the suit now; and he gasped aloud at the sight. _Bones…_Her ribs and shoulders, even her spine were protruding with emaciation. The pallor of her skin was alarmingly transparent. He had wondered why she was suddenly so reserved about changing in front of him, considering her usual household attire in Tokyo. Now as she hunched there, shaking and frail before him he understood. She was ashamed and afraid of what she had been reduced to. He gently sealed the suit and put a hand on her shaking shoulder. She was sobbing. "It's okay Asuka…"

"No! They ruined me! They starved me, weakened me, and humiliated me. I was their doll, Shinji! They raped me, used me mind and spirit. They took what they wanted from me without consent or consideration and there was nothing I could do about it!" She was choking on sobs as she screamed. How am I supposed—" Shinji spun her around to face him and hugged her as she shook and cried. She buried her face in his bare shoulder and cried harder and longer than she had since before her mother died. "A doll… they used me…" was all Shinji could decipher as she shouted something over and over.

They crumpled to the ground as he choked up as well. The pressures of their short lives were so concentrated and heavy that this breakdown seemed to shatter something in each of them. Shinji held her head and clutched at her like a child as they both shook. He felt the stones under him grind into his wounds and her nails claw at his shirt but that pain seemed to be happening to another Shinji. "It's not fair. We are not dolls," he sobbed quietly. This caused another wail from her and they hugged tighter to each other.

She cried for her body, for their fate, for their friends, for the whole world and how unfair it had been to her. "Mama." She choked on the word and cried louder despite the pain the sobs caused her. They hugged there until there were no more tears to soak his arm and they could will themselves to let each other go. He pulled her arm around his shoulder and hooked his arm around her waist. Words were worthless and useless at that moment. She simply nodded and leaned into him as he led her to the shelter.


	3. Chapter 3  Something Wrong

**Chapter 3: Something Wrong**

The mustachioed officer pointed the flashlight shakily at his papers. The tents were warm and wind-tight, but the cold seemed to seep into him regardless. He glanced at his watch; it was almost midnight, and just under zero degrees Celsius. There were still no signs of the pilots, and they were running out of time. His orders were to continue the search at dawn and begin dredging the river for bodies in twenty four hours if there were still no signs. _I doubt they could survive the night without supplies, or the week without food. Nevertheless we'll find them in twenty four hours or I'm discharged. Dmn kids…_

"Captain Sir," came a hoarse call from outside the tent.

"Enter at ease."

"Thank you, Sir." The younger officer took off his gloves and rubbed his hands together furiously. "They'll probably freeze to death out there without shelter sir. No further signs or clues. The shore is too rocky to leave footprints and the dogs aren't getting anything after they jumped in the river."

"We have to assume that they can make fire," said the captain without conviction, "There was a campfire found where they spent the night before. We've received orders from Seele."

"Orders sir?" The young man ran a hand over his blondish stubble.

"We have one more day to find them. After that we must dredge the river and hope to find a body. If there are no results by then, we will all be discharged and replaced." _Discharged… killed… no difference really. Seele doesn't let involved personnel waltz into the nearest city._

"Yes sir. Should I tell the others?"

"Yes. Make camp and keep the fires going. We rise again at dawn to continue the search. Feed the dogs and let them in the tents. It's cold." The captain squeezed his temples as he watched his breath swirl around him in vapor clouds.

"Right away, sir." The captain watched his subordinate duck out of the tent and zip it up again with surprising speed. _Better rest while I can…_ He climbed into his sleeping bag without bothering to undress. The extra layers were welcome.

* * *

Asuka awoke and began to shiver violently for the third time as Shinji got up to get more straw for insulation. Frost was creeping into the shelter with the early morning hours. She rolled into his warm spot and pulled the scratchy stuff closer around her while she waited. It was completely pitch black in the tiny shelter. It was more of a box or coffin for two in her opinion considering you only fit if you lied down. Shinji returned with an armload of cold straw to cover them with. He slid in beside her and curled into a ball with his back to hers. The contact was warm, but barely. Asuka felt herself slipping into another coughing fit and clenched her throat to prevent it. Still it came, and she shook with the violence of it. She gasped for breath between coughs and sucked in lungful after lungful of icy, musty air. Shinji turned over and tried to hold her still but there wasn't much he could do for her drug fever. Finally she settled down and was immediately asleep despite the cold. 

_This is so bad… She'll never last more than a few days without fire. We need help…_ Hesitating at first, he scooted closer and hugged her back against him for warmth. She was feverishly hot but still shivering. He could feel her ribs through the suit and was overwhelmed with fear. _She could really __**die**__ out here. I would never make it if she left me alone. _Never had he cared so much about whether someone lived or died and he was determined not to allow the latter to happen. He curled closer and tried to still his own shaking. In minutes their shivering ceased as the heat finally seeped into their bones. His exhaustion finally took hold of him entirely and he fell into the deepest sleep of his short lifetime.

Asuka awoke again, this time to sunlight streaming into the coffin-shelter. She was cold, but significantly warmer than she expected. She was alarmed to find Shinji, still fast asleep, pressed against her back with an arm over her. She closed her eyes again, grateful for the warmth, and tried to go back to sleep for a while longer before she woke him up, but a small cough gave her away. Immediately the arm was gone and he scooted away awkwardly. She rolled to face him in the dim light with as little emotion as possible. "Thanks."

"You were shivering all night, I was afraid you would freeze to death." He said, explaining himself nervously. _I was supposed to wake up first… She's gonna get the wrong ideas and give me hell about it._

"I know. You don't have to be so dodgy." She cut her eyes at him to hide her own embarrassment._ I guess he had planned to wake up first._

"Right." He said, a little amazed at her lack of hostility. "Well lets get up then, it's late morning." She nodded and helped him push off the numerous dead limbs that he had added that night to block out their door. It was later than they had first thought, and the sun was shining through the treetops in warm beams. They stretched their sore muscles on their way to the river bank to continue their journey. Neither of them had any desire to bring up last night's episode. "If we follow this river we should get to a coast or a city. It's pretty big in some places so I bet it leads to civilization eventually."

"Maybe, but like I said… It could be a hundred miles or more. Seele managed to hide their facility from _NERV_ after all." She said, shooting down his hope with a little more care than usual. "If it is late winter, very late, then we might stand a chance," She thought out loud. Shinji nodded.

"If not… then—"

"Then we'll freeze to death or starve before spring." She said. The words seemed to make the possibility real. Shinji sighed.

"Well… I think it's late winter…or maybe early spring. Trout are only in the rivers that time of year, right?" His face lit up with that false hope. He knew nothing about animals outside of his own country. She just frowned and closed her eyes.

"I don't know." _I wish I did. _When they reached the bank Shinji immediately began scanning for fish. "See anything?" She asked.

"No. I left the spear back at the shelter anyway. I'll find another one." He picked up a long piece of branch and began testing it against a rock.

"Do you think we should have left the shelter standing like it was? They might still be looking for us you know." Asuka glanced back the way they came fearfully. She would sooner die than be caught.

"Probably not, but I don't think we should go back either. It's better to start walking and hope to put distance between us and them. Are you up to walking today?" He asked, trying his best not to sound sympathetic. _The last thing she wants is pity._ She frowned at him and began to walk at a surprisingly brisk pace along the river. "Slow down a bit Asuka," he said in a worried tone. She shot him a brief glare. "I can't keep up after carrying you all day yesterday," he lied to cover his sympathy. She complied and allowed him to walk along side her at a drastically slower pace.

For close to an hour they walked this way, searching for fish as they went. Twice they spotted some too far out of reach before Shinji was able to catch lunch. As they stopped to rest and eat in a sunny clearing Asuka noticed that her breathing was abnormally hard. The walk thus far had been anything but exhausting but she felt as if she had run a mile. Shinji took not of her heavy breathing as he cleaned the small fish. "This one is yours" he said, ignoring his own hunger pangs. "You need the energy more than I do right now." _Oh crap, I shouldn't have said it like that._ She ignored his nervous twitch and wolfed down the meal as quickly as she could. She knew he was right, but she wasn't going to say it out loud. He had seen her starved body and did not need a reminder. Her breathing was still strangely fast and labored after minutes of sitting down and Shinji decided it would be better to rest for a while before continuing. He walked off a ways and pretended to be busy improving his walking stick/spear.

"Something's wrong," she said, holding a hand to her forehead. "I don't feel… I don't know. Something is wrong with me." She leaned forward and propped herself up with both arms to try and steady her dizzy swaying. Shinji looked up from his work at her just in time to see her lose her lunch on the earth in front of her. He suppressed his own gagging and scrambled over to her. She groaned and scooted away from the vomit, trying to hold back more heaves.

He tore at his hair in distress for a moment before bending down to hold back her hair, just in time. Everything she had eaten came up quickly and she began to wretch, though her stomach was empty. "I…can't…stop…it" She managed to whimper between heaves. He watched in horror as the vein in her temple pulsed and her face turned red.

"Asuka you have to stop!" he shouted helplessly. "You're scaring me Asuka, please stop! I don't know what to do for you!" His vision clouded with tears as he turned her to face him and began to shake her by the shoulders. She clutched at his arms and held herself as still as possible. He realized that she was trying to steady herself and began to hold her rigidly in place. "Take slower breaths," he said "You have to breathe Asuka, don't leave me out here by myself…" She began to inhale slowly, a long and shuddery breath. The gagging ceased as she struggled to regain composure. At last, she fell forward against him and was still. He struggled to choke back his sobs of relief as he hugged her carefully.

"I don't know what's happening to me, Shinji." She said gravely. "It might be too late after—"

"No. You're okay now, I'm going to get us out of here and somewhere safe," he responded defiantly. She pushed off of him and wiped her mouth with her hand. Her throat burned all the way down to her stomach. She spat a few times to clear the taste from her mouth.

"I need some water; help me back to the river." She made an effort to stand, but was snatched up by Shinji before she could protest and carried there swiftly. His face was smudged and tear stained, but his sobbing was over unusually quickly. She bounced painfully in his arms as he skidded his way down the river bank and to the water's edge. She drank sparingly, afraid of inducing more vomiting.

"What do you think… caused—"

"I have a fever and I'm emaciated. Raw fish is just too much for my stomach right now. I need electrolytes and fiber…" She spoke with a matter-of-fact confidence, trying to convince herself of the logic.

"They didn't feed you anything, did they?" He asked.

"Only some thick liquids and intravenous sustenance every now and then. Most tests would be affected by a full stomach I guess…." She washed her face with the freezing water in an attempt to wake up some more, but she knew her weakness was caused by malnourishment. Her hands clenched into fists and she pounded the muddy ground in front of her. _I hate them. I hate being like this. I hate it._

Suddenly a nearby rustling sound caught her attention. Shinji heard it too and crouched beside her behind a large rock at the river's bank. He peered anxiously around his side and tried to control his fast breathing. Asuka did the same and her eyes widened at an unwelcome sight. Shinji gasped in alarm and covered his mouth. They looked at each other fearfully and hunched as low as possible as footsteps approached their rock.

"No…" They whispered in unison. Standing before them, staring directly at them; was an fully armed soldier with his pistol in hand.

* * *

--> Okay, so there's the first 3 chapters. I realize they seem short, but jeez it took forever to type them. SO, what do you think? I want to know. Too much misfortune?, not enough anger? flow off? Questions? Concerns? Comments?

Let me know, seriously. This is my first time doing this and it's hard not to assume that other people will just "get it" like I do.


	4. Chapter 4 Rescue or Reclamation: part 1

**Chapter 4** (_Part _ONE) – Rescue or Reclamation

"Do Not Move." said the man; first in German, and then in broken Japanese. He was a tall, bearded man with an imposingly clean look. His reddish hair and pale, chapped face shone against the dark forest backdrop as if he were the only colored image in a black and white photo. Shinji stared in wide-eyed horror as the soldier slowly reached for his belt with his pistol in hand. Asuka gasped at the motion and felt her heart skip several beats. She flashed a pleading look at the frozen boy beside her, but her rabbit-eyed panic went unnoticed. Shinji did not return the stare, because his eyes were squeezed shut, waiting for his bullet. _Obedient coward! Do something!_

Suddenly, her thoughts were interrupted by the hushing sound of static coming from a primitive walkie-talkie device. Shinji opened his eyes warily to investigate the noise despite his near overwhelming fear that the pistol would be inches from his skull, ready to send hot lead screaming into his brains. Immense relief nearly stole his breath at the sight of a re-holstered pistol and the less menacing black radio in its place. The large, gloved hand rose, holding the radio inches from the man's chapped lips.

"Yes sir… both of the pilots….of course….two kilometers east. No…right away. Understood…over." The burly soldier barked out his side of a conversation in excited English without taking an eye off of the wild children. Shinji's panic-stricken face turned up into a snarl at the thought of recapture and what pain the man before him represented. It seemed sinful that the demon who would drag them back into hell would look so kind; as if he might have friends or family or other human-like attachments. Asuka let out a half-stifled whimper of something German and shuffled backwards a few centimeters; her legs suddenly failing to respond. _I won't go back. I can't go back. I'm not going…!_

"Do not try to run. Come here," said the soldier in German as he stared a hole into Asuka. "Both of you— come to me now." This time the words were in his heavily accented Japanese, but their meaning was not lost on the pilots. His tone was not friendly or hostile, but commanding. He pocketed the radio-phone and gestured for them to approach.

Shinji stood up shakily and searched for an escape route from this confrontation; but the pistol seemed to glint wisely from the soldier's belt, winking and smirking. _There's no way out. I don't want to be shot…There's just no way!_ Sneaker feet shuffled below him, towards the demon. A nod and a smile dug their way into his mind, luring him closer. The approving stare was hypnotizing the boy, but the soldier broke it when he saw the other child was still on the ground, halfway behind the rock. He frowned and gestured more urgently to her. His eyes appeared kind to her, but urgent as they seemed to say: obey me.

"No…Nein…! Stay away from me!" she shouted at the eyes. _You can't make me!_ Shinji flinched and looked back to her from a few feet away. German words slipped rapidly and quietly from her lips as she shuffled backwards once more.

"Please Asuka… we don't have a choice!" he pleaded through a clenched throat. His hand shook helplessly as he reached towards her. The pleading fell on deaf ears as she muttered and flinched away from him and scrambled backwards clumsily, preparing to bolt into the river. Noticing the girl's strange behavior and intent to escape into the river; the soldier's kind face crumpled into a desperate expression. He was too far away to grab her.

"Don't do that, girl! Come here. I won't hurt you. Please, stay away from the water," he coaxed in her native tongue while edging closer.

"No!" she staggered towards the shore, almost losing her clumsy footing in the loose rocks.

"Grab her! She'll never make it across!" the man ordered. Shinji complied, but not because he was ordered. He saw the madness in Asuka's demeanor. It dripped from the foreign words she whispered, danced wildly in her eyes, and quirked the shape of her mouth. She wasn't going to try to swim across and escape; halfway would be more than sufficient to drown herself… In seconds, he tackled her around the waist and brought her to the ground with a crunch of gravel. Arms locked, chin pressed against her side he held her down as best he could.

"Get off! Get off! Get off of me! No! Let me go!" she screamed and thrashed violently. Pebbles flew around them as she scrabbled toward the shore, dragging Shinji inch-by-inch.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." He moaned through grit teeth. Just as he was about to lose his grip on her, the soldier was bending down to help. In one smooth motion, Shinji felt himself lifted like nothing more than a sack of flour and tucked under a muscled, sleeved arm. He hung limply, staring around the back of the man's knee at Asuka. The soldier crouched down and grabbed her just before she was able to crawl into the water.

"Nein! Mich befreien! Weg erhalten!" she begged.

"Aufgeben. Noch sein!" he responded. His orders only surged her panic induced adrenalin as she scratched and kicked futilely, narrowly missing Shinji's head.

"Don't hurt her!" Shinji screamed. He began to pound against the back of the man's knees and kick his feet. This added thrashing was enough to cause the soldier to lose balance, but not his powerful grip. With a painful crash, the man toppled backwards, burying Shinji's face in the gravel. All that the boy could feel was a piece of one of his teeth rolling about on his tongue and a cold weight leaking into his mind. His eyes seemed to be squeezed by it until they burst with a brilliant white flash, which seared colored spots into the darkness that enveloped him; and wrapped him in numb unconsciousness. He slumped against the cold ground, deadweight in the man's tight grip.

"Please be still!" exclaimed the man as Asuka continued to thrash about, battering her arms against the rocks. Blood stained her hands from the rocks as she began to claw at him violently. The soldier noticed that Shinji was knocked out and freed his arm of the burden. With medical precision, the he used his free hand to swat aside Asuka's nest of red tangles and find a pressure point on her neck. His large thumb pressed at a spot beside the top of her protruding spine, digging for the correct nerve. Suddenly Asuka's screams were cut off and she arched her back tensely. She opened her mouth to scream but no sound came out. "Just relax," The man soothed. Her eyes went wide as he pressed harder.

A myriad of colors flew through her vision, like a ribbon of light being pulled through her temple; as she lost control of her muscles and melted into warm unconsciousness.

* * *

_okay, it's me; the loser with the ideas._

_anyway, this took a long time to get online (despite it's extreme shortness) because of my family vacation, summer homework, term paper planning, and a lack of ideas. In case you can't tell; I'm making this up as I go. It's much more fun this way. I write in quick surges, and will tell you all if i have stopped alltogether._

_Even I am exited at the cliff hangers ;-)_

_Anyway, Chapter 4, part 2 will probably come out soon if I can help it. _

AS FOR THOSE WHO HAVE ASKED ME ABOUT PLOT/SETTING

Like I said, it's a learn as I go with this and I am not telling whether or not this will tie into the series at some point. I suppose I should clarify when exactly all of this began; but I havn't decided between 2 crucial points in the timeline I can choose from. Anyone want to reccomend one? If not, I'm flipping a coin between 2 of my ideas.

For those of you who _forgot_ to read the HUGEMONGUS preview garbage at the beginning, here are the answers to some FAQs

1.) No, they are not older. That is to say they are the same age as during the later part of the tv series.

2.) No, I don't hate waff or fluff, but it has less substance than other things in my opinion. Maybe mine got a little cottony as some point, that's up to the reader; but i'm trying to keep things solid.

3.) No. I will NOT change this into a SxR fic. what's wrong with you 3? (names will not be mentioned negatively)

THANks for reading with me


	5. Chapter 4: Rescue or Reclamation: part 2

Rescue or Reclamation: Part 2

Despite the exponentially increasing size of the gap in the atmosphere, this winter was one of the coldest the General had ever seen. Snow, as hard as cement, was covering the entirety of the campsite. The small grills and campfires were now located in miniature valleys between dirty snow mountains that reached altitudes of 4 feet, even as packed as it was. Most of the remaining 12 men had ditched their flimsy tents in favor of makeshift shelters of pine-branches and needles. For over two weeks they had trekked the river, running north and south in search of any sign of the misplaced pilots. A few small scraps of evidence kept them deployed to search, despite the overwhelming odds in the favor of the teens' death. Starvation, given their original health upon escaping was certainly possible; but the General was certain that they had frozen solid. The river had been dragged with nets and the delta was clear, so their drowning was almost out of the question; but the snow came in blankets of blank cold on the third night and without proper shelter or fire… survival was simply impossible. He, and all of his subordinates, were unofficially designated the duty of body-retrieval or evidence annihilation at this point. But for how long would they camp here before they were called back to the facility?

"Five days… Five since they got out. There's just no damn way," muttered one of the men as he poked the small fire with his frozen boot. "If they're not dead, then they're sure as hell not here," he said with finality. The general sighed inwardly at the man's complaint that had become such a popular tune throughout the camp since the snowfall. He had half-a-mind to push the other into the fire for his repetitive moaning; but his own freezing limbs were too familiar with the same low spirit. Before he could consider simply reprimanding the man for his morale-killing behavior; another slid into him from behind, almost causing a pile-up in the line for stew.

"Sorry, sir! I have word from headquarters. It's urgent." He panted out the words in tiny clouds of vaporized exhaustion. His pistol was in hand and sweat made his face shine, even as he shivered. "I came as fast as I could, and I saw a pack of wolves on the way. You should consider burying waste and anything that would attract them far away from the ten—err… shelters."

"What is the news?" the general asked impatiently.

"Right, the news. Here's the letter," he said as he wrenched a green envelope free of his back pocket. "They said no response is necessary, headquarters that is. The choppers are on their way…" He continued to ramble on about wolves and headquarters distractedly while the smell of stew drew him away from his commander, but the general wasn't listening. His freshly ungloved hand shook as he read the enclosed orders and all that they implied.

_General Trimac, _

_Due to circumstances beyond our control and a lack of discipline on the part of you and your unit, the pilots have been lost. Despite the combined efforts of a scuba, airborne, and several on-foot teams, the only surviving female and male pilots in our program have not been located and are no longer worth the financial strain of this search. We are sure that you realize the awkward situation this puts us in as your employers and commanders. You services as a search and capture team are no longer required and we cannot afford to send any more supplies if we are to recover the losses stemming from the two pilots so heavily invested in by _our _program. Your orders are to regroup at the clearing of your original deployment and await your transportation back to the base. You will then attend a mandatory debriefing with all of your men and the members of the other search teams. The airborne search continues, incase of the pilots' recapture by another military. The search for bodies will continue spring. _

There was no signature, no closing message, and nothing to suggest personality or even a singular identity within the letter. As usual, his leader or leaders managed to remain mysterious and give only enough information to prepare him for his orders. It was beginning to truly wear on the general's patience, but he knew that there was no other option but to follow orders.

There is no leaving this project. There were no ex-members. There were only obedient, ignorant soldiers; and dead ones who knew too much. Without pausing to accept the hot bowl of camp-stew offered to him, he tossed the paper into the fire and began barking orders. It was going to be a long day of travel, and the snow was coming down in sheets once more.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

In a feverishly awake part of herself, Asuka was aware that she was flying. She could almost perceive the shaky revolutions of the landing helicopter's blades; and the deafening noise was just complete enough that it could have been silence that stuffed her ears… she wasn't sure. There was a lot she wasn't sure of and her increasing awareness came in waves of extremes that left her only more confused. The wretched nausea and the accompanying uncertainty in equilibrium brought on by a shaky chopper-ride made it impossible for her to differentiate up and down. Hot and cold were also scrambled as she realized that she was shivering and pouring sweat despite her dehydration. After what seemed like several minutes of trying, she flashed open her eyelids and was blinded by the white sky outside the open face of the helicopter. The shock of this light and a fresh wave of motion-sickness were all it took to shut her down again, back into the twilight between waking and unconsciousness. Only her chattering teeth kept her from going off of the deep end into sleep. That—and the presence of a large hand on her shoulder.

_THIS IS THE WRITER, NOT STORY CONTENT_

_Yeah. I'm bored, it's 2:37 AM, I checked an olde-mail and here I am. I still poke fun at people who take fanfiction seriously, or even those who read/write it; but why not go ahead and finish what I started? I'm sure if anyone who knows me reads this I'll be promptly attacked (and deservedly), but I'm lacking constructive inspiration right now and felt like writing something, but not starting anything. I can still enjoy the occasional bit of immaturity in the form of fanfics-that-aren-blatant-garbage-and-porn; and why not write the rest of the one I started that summer that seems so long ago now..? _

_Anyway, I'm writing-ish again so maybe keep track of this. Do people still read/write fanfiction? I wonder... I think Evangelion became ...OLD at some point...A sign that I should spend more time on saving up for that trip to Edinburgh, applying to UGA, and writing music instead of melting my maturity and time away with Anime; that magical amphetamine for lazy kids. SO addictive, it practically needs rehab._

_Okay, I'm done here. With this post, that is. et meknow if anyone out there is even going to read this. If at least one person keeps reading, I guess I'll finish and start making this all come together._


	6. Chapter 5 Submission

A/N

Chapter 6: Submission

A/N

Ha ha ha! Well, those 5 reviews swarmed in quickly. Sorry if I ruffled any feathers, and thanks for the support (even if it was partially in the form of lovely names like "douche bag"). You guys really know how to inspire P However, I did say before that I will leave some indication of whether I am finishing the story or not, so it's unlikely that it will ever just vanish without an explanation. After all, I know a few people who would be willing to run with it if I ever decide to stop.

I should hope that the writing is slightly better, considering I've survived another semester of that insane, old school English/Lit class taught by the last living dinosaur. (whom I respect and adore). Although, I'm sure she would crucify me for this particular piece of work. I'm no longer writing drafts for this or planning at all. Whatever happens is probably just as exciting or confusing for me as it is for the reader. Heck, I think I changed tense about 3 times because I simply do not remember what it was originally intended to be.

Well, here's another chapter for my few readers out there. I do appreciate your reviews, and I'm sorry if I irked anyone. 3 The Author

Warmth. That was the first sensation that Shinji awoke to. That— and a dull ache somewhere deep within his teeth. Gingerly, he counted them with his tongue and discovered that he was missing one and a half on the left-top side of his mouth. A shredded upper gum as well as a very swollen cheek were also making themselves known. He tasted something metallic and realized that he must have been swallowing his own blood ever since he had crashed into the ground when the soldier fell with him.

" How long ago… where are we… we..?" He thought, sudden panic gripping him. Slinging himself forward and opening his eyes, he was taken aback at the new surroundings. A small and ancient fireplace threw warm light against the just as ancient log-walls of some cabin. His eye that wasn't swollen shut slowly adjusted to the dimness that was making him claustrophobic. No light came in from the tiny, snow bombarded window on the adjacent wall to his corner, and the single room building felt almost cozy with its burning dust smell. Another figure upon a cot was silhouetted against the fire and a small, white hand was hanging half-closed from the side.

Frantically, he tried to get out of the sleeping bag that effectively pinned his arms to his sides; certainly not helping his panic. "Asuka?" He whispered as loudly as he dared, but there was no response from the other bundle of blankets atop the cot. The other didn't stir, and his sounds in the hush seemed imposingly loud. After freeing his sore arms and pushing out of the warm cocoon, he stole darting glances into the darkened corners of the room. "Hello?" He tested the silence. There was nobody else in the room, and the only signs of the soldier were the 2-way radio and a flashlight upon a stool by the fire.

Shinji scooted towards the skeletal hand and sat up to prove to himself that it was Asuka. Her face shocked him with its new changes. Somehow, she looked so much worse. Now her lips, white with dehydration, were parted and a wheezing breath rattled through them in tiny, desperate puffs. Her eyelids were shining and the tiny veins in her forehead were a map of the worries she had been through in recent months. In the weak light, every facial feature was somehow sharp and skull-like. Shinji's lips quivered as the thought finally sunk its needling claws into him: She is going to die.

As if to mark the idea with her argument, she stirred in an awkward way and jerked her face towards him; gasping for air and muttering soundlessly. He couldn't see the blue of her irises because they were rolling back into her half-closed eyelids and the graphic reality of the moment made Shinji cry out for help.

"Somebody! She needs help!" He shouted it at the door and window of the cabin in every language he halfway learned in school.

The following silence was suffocating.

Asuka continued to make small movements, adding the occasional clench of her dangling hand, for a full minute before Shinji's shushing and pleading seemed to make it through to her. He pulled his sleeping bag beside the bed and lie against the frame of her cot, carefully holding her icy hand. Before he could hear the muffled footsteps of the approaching soldier, he was asleep once more.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

"Damn this weather and my rotten luck." The tired soldier cursed to nobody in particular. "If this storm isn't gone in a few hours, I doubt my finding those kids will really matter in the end." He knocked his boots against the doorframe of the abandoned hunting cabin to dislodge some of the caked snow. "And all of the firewood is rotten and wet… Nothing to eat and nobody answering the blasted radio…" The pitiful bundle of firewood he managed to collect with his knife and a temper wouldn't last very long, he was certain. "At least there's the cabin. That's fortunate… and a good clearing for the chopper." An intrusively sharp item against the forest backdrop, the helicopter was lopsidedly parked atop dangerously loose snow.

The door opened after some less than gentle coaxing from the over-encumbered man, and he edged inside with his armload of sticks. For a moment, he was jolted into worry at the absence of the boy' sleeping bag from its corner; but was relieved to find him asleep, but moved. He quietly stacked the wood in front of the fire and checked his radio-phone for a signal.

There was only the crackle of static and the alien whirring beeps of poor reception.

The boy stirred at this sound and stared quietly at him with his good eye. Gordon let his hands dangle in a non-threatening posture, to show that they were empty and keep the boy from panicking again.

"Shinji Ikari, yes? Do not worry. I am not with capture you. I am help. Not a trick and not hurting you. Please be calm." He struggled with his Japanese and made friendly faces and gestures to reassure him. Shinji did not respond cordially, but scooted tighter against the cot frame and continued to stare with mistrust. "My name is Gordon. I am a rescue team member. A good man. No worry. I help." He made to move towards the girl's bed and check on her, but the boy's eye followed him with a wild fear that he was certain would be trouble if he tried. Shinji kept one hand around the girl's fingers and the other in a small fist. His face was so mangled and dirty from the fall that he might not have been a human at all, but some fierce and cornered animal. Gordon sighed and gave the children a wide berth as he went to the stool by the fire. Pretending to ignore the pilot's stare, he took off his boots and gloves to thaw them and threw a few sticks on the embers.

"Help for her," Shinji croaked out in his best English. _I have to risk it. I can't do anything._ "Where are we?"

"Oh, you can understand English?" Gordon asked with hope. Shinji's stare told him all he needed to know. "I guess you'd rather decipher my Japanese than this ancient language. Very well." He smiled and prepared his answer in Japanese. "We are in Canada. North America. You learned about in History? Most land flood by second impact was not permanent. Waters receded because of other phenomenon. I am belong to a not associated group. We know about Evas and pilots, but do not fund or participate. Canada. I am taking you to base with hospital. In America." Judging from the boy's stiff composure, Gordon assumed he understood his Japanese explanation; despite grammar disasters.

"They will find us if you take us to a city. They will find us if we go to America. How can I trust that you aren't going to sell us to the highest bidding pilot program?" Shinji questioned.

"You can not be sure. I ask you to trust, but I can not prove that I am telling truth. As soon as weather clears, we leave for the hospital. It is a base, not city. Secret enough." Gordon explained. "Now, let me check the girl."

"Asuka is dying. When the weather is clear we will go with you. What can you do now?" Shinji challenged.

"…Nothing. Just sleep and let her rest. When I get signal and am sure we cleared for flight, we go." Gordon admired the boy's courage and loyalty, but was irked by his sudden challenging stare. There was no way the boy would sleep with him in the room. Before he could insist, the radio came in with a signal at last.

"Crsshhhiisss… Gordon cleared for takeoff and... Crrrrssshhiss approved for flight. The storm is north of us. -Over-" The excited soldier stepped into his still-frozen boots and clipped on his radio.

"This is Private Gordon. I have the packages and am on my way. I will relay coordinates once in flight- over.-" The relieved soldier extended a hand to Shinji and gave him a firm look that said 'You're coming even if I have to drag you.'

The boy took his hand and pulled himself up without releasing Asuka, leaving him pulled between hope and despair. The air was charged with the tension of submission and the uncertainty of each person's predicament. Shinji eyed the gun at the man's belt with fear, but let go of Asuka's hand to allow the man lift her.

She was quiet and unresponsive but for her clenching and unclenching hand which Shinji took once more. He followed Private Gordon out of the door, leaving the fire burning and the blankets on the floor. There was no choice…The helicopter was a sharp insect in the still blankness of the snow; and the situation suddenly reminded him so much of the first time he ever piloted an Eva.


	7. Chapter 6 DEA

Chapter 7: DEA

(Disclaimer: I claim no Evangelion affiliated material as my own creation)

A/N: Answers, Answers, Answers. Pay attention to Gordon. And for your sake, he has brushed up on his Japanese.

When he realized that the grime covering the reflection was not stuck to the broken mirror at all, Shinji found himself slightly horrified by the state of his face and blood-matted hair. The gashes in his cheeks and lips were split open due to the excessive swelling and his teeth were stained pink with the blood from his bleeding gums and broken tooth. His right eye was still mostly sealed and beginning to change to the color of an overripe banana. He imagined the broken tooth would hurt a lot more if the deep gashes in his arms didn't sting like mad from whatever the quiet and less than ginger nurse was dressing them with. Wincing, he set the mirror down on his bedside table as she jerked the last bafndage tight. She jabbered away in some deep-mouthed language that Gordon told him was Canadian French and pointed to a basin of soapy water in the corner of the small room. Shinji stared at her coldly, but nodded that he understood what she intended. His response was apparently impolite and sent the blabbering nurse on her stomping way from the room. The door slammed behind her with a hollow "thud".

Although the only furnishings were his single hospital bed, the table, and a long counter with a sink and mirror; the yellowing room that Shinji found himself alone in once more felt crowded and cramped. A smell of old wood permeated through the ancient wallpaper that barely clung-to at all. The walls of the base infirmary were so thin that he could hear any door shut within the building and the strange mechanical noises or beeps coming from an adjacent room. Asuka's room? He wasn't sure if Gordon told him the truth, but something told him that she was alive and definitely near him. Somehow, he could feel the truth in that.

Aside from Gordon, the building was filled with non-military personnel and not one of them understood Japanese or, for that matter, Shinji's versions of fragmented English and German. French was an absolute mystery to him and he wondered how that nurse could talk so much without straining her mouth on those long syllables and frequent "j's". This language barrier was preventing him from getting answers to his army of questions, and his panic continued to rise by the hour. Jumpy and borderline feral; one would think he'd spent years in the wilderness instead of a handful of days.

Despite his gestures and sign language; he could get nobody to reveal the date, time, or even how long he had been in the yellow room, but judging from the three meals (a lunch, supper, and breakfast in the American style), it hadn't been a full day yet. As he scrubbed at his face with a hot cloth and tried to get the grime from his fringe, he went over the plan once more. When he was certain of Asuka's whereabouts, he would charge the door at his next visitor and make his way to her. Then he would…

_What am I supposed to do if she's unconscious? I don't even know where we _are_, much less where I'd go. What if Gordon has already contacted someone with the disbanded NERV? Or SEELE? What if he's gathering bidders on our lives? What if Asuka and I are separated again..?  
_

When he felt his breathing quicken at the multitude of flaws in his half-baked plan he stopped thinking about it. Rationally, it was important to force an exterior of calm. He wanted to speak to Gordon. Maybe there was something else he would tell him… something to reassure or convict him to design some notion of what to do about this disaster of a situation.

He stood back to look at himself in the small mirror and assess the damage, post-wash. There would definitely be a scar on the bridge of his nose and, if his fears were correct; an accompanying bump if it was actually broken. His eyes looked terrible, and the right one still resembled bruised fruit. His bottom lip was puffed out to a comical size and one of his ears was painfully red without explanation. Small cuts and scrapes from various falls were smudged across his face and shoulders and Shinji patted them with the soapy liquid with a neurosurgeon's care.

"Well… I look like hell." He said to the scrawny reflection. Even in the fresh pants and white bandages, his injuries and out of control hair made him appear as if he had been painted by some angry, half-blind Rembrandt—all bruises in sharp contrast with the gauze. Suddenly, the door opened and the ever-imposingly large Gordon stood hunched in its small frame.

"You look like hell." Gordon mused aloud. Although it was English, Shinji guessed it's meaning relatively easily and would have smirked if he hadn't been too busy composing questions for his captor. "I thought you might—ah shit; English. Okay Japanese… hmm. You want to know about Asuka? Yes? You want to see?" The man scratched his neck in frustration. Shinji nodded and crossed the room in two strides.

"Yes, please. Is she okay? Is she awake or—"

"You can see her. Follow and be quiet. She is awake, yes. Do not excite her." Gordon interrupted. "After, I want to talk and explain. You need to know about our group, DEA. Important reasons for rescue and the program." Shinji impatiently nodded his consent and peeked around the man's shoulder. "This way"

Now he was even more unsure of Gordon's intentions. What evil power lets it's captives visit eachother? He noticed that there was no lock on his door-knob from the outside... What merciless mercenary keeps his prisoners in an unlocked room? Still, Shinji wasn't about to let his guard down any further. Gordon's strides were massive, and he found himself scurrying after him. The act made him feel even smaller and weaker. Did it truly matter if his guard was up or not? "At least," he thought, "I will have to keep my wits about me."

Just as he suspected, Asuka's room was adjacent, but in another hallway. Hers, however, was far from the primitive quarters he just left. Everything was washed in white, from ceiling to floor, much like the hospital rooms at NERV headquarters. There were some important differences, however. The walls were brick with no windows and the lighting came from florescent bulbs, practically antiques. Her bed was practically in a sitting position and she was facing the other wall, a small heap under the blankets. Many tubes and medical apparatus were scattered around the floor under her bed, but at least some were still attached. The equipment seemed slightly primitive with its outdated wires and handwritten charts, but Shinji knew it must all seem like SEELE's experiments to her. He circled around and knelt down to look at her face. Gordon solemly made his way towards the door.

"I'll leave you, but the visit will be short. She needs rest." he said in barely a whisper.

"Hi Asuka…" Shinji's voice cracked out quietly. He couldn't stop staring at the feeding tube in her nose. She just stared from him to the various machines surrounding him in disbelief. Before she could draw conclusions, he made them for her. "I know… we've been picked up. I couldn't stop it from happening, and I… we had no choice... But it's _not_ SEALE. The soldier, Gordon, says that this place doesn't have anything to do with Evas or piloting programs. We're _safe_." He tried to convince himself of the word by smiling, but he knew it looked pained and his battered face wasn't convincing.

"You…" she breathed. "…held me down. Now it's happening again… The tests…" Though her face was barely moving, she portrayed the betrayal of Caesar in her eyes.

"I had to, Asuka. There was no other choice. I couldn't let you drown yourself. We'll find a way to—"

"No. We're not getting away this time. They've got us. We're nothing but rats to them. We're nothing…" she mumbled as her eyes drifted. Shinji was truly hurt by this reaction. She still believed that SEELE had them.

"No, Asuka. We're safe. These people are trying to help you. No more testing. Just trust me, please." He begged. She slowly extended her hand towards him, pulling with it a tangle of medical tape and gauze. He reached out to take it, but she made a fist and glared at him menacingly.

"You had better fix this. We can't stay and you know we can't leave. I'll never forgive you if you don't fix this. I'll—" She choked on the last sentence and that cough began racking her body again as she curled up with the pain in her chest. Some of the medical monitors began their own panicky whirring sounds as their charge began to shake and gasp.

"No! Somebody! Please!" Shinji reached out to hold her still and prevent her from tangling herself in the blankets, but already there were several doctors and nurses swarming about her and a large man was pulling him away by the shoulders.

"She'll be all right, laddie. Jest you come with me, then," said the man in a brogue that was altogether gibberish to Shinji. He twisted in the powerful grip and took a last look at Asuka, thrashing between the two doctors who were administering injections and soothing her. Her face was suddenly slack and she slumped into the bed again, sedated.

He wanted to hurt those men for doing that to her, for scaring her, and for holding her down. More than anything he wanted to protect her like he should have always done, but now the only way to help her was to let them do what they needed. He was shaking with suppressed sobs and his eyes were hot and blurry. The man turned him around and patted his shoulder gently. "There, lad, don't be crying. You need teh be strong for her and come with me. Don't you be bothered with her well-being. It's all set."

Shinji couldn't make out much of what he was saying, but the kindness was palpable in his reassuring tone. He let out a ragged sigh and nodded, pushing away the hand on his shoulder. Gordon, standing a short distance away, nodded to the other and signaled for Shinji to follow him. The halls he limped down were narrow and dim, but not menacing. The whole building appeared to simply be outdated. "Gordon? Where are we?" Shinji dared to ask. A smile spread across the soldier's face at the boy's attempt to sound fearless and in control, but especially at the use of his name.

"We are in the North-Eastern former United States of America. This building was a school before the last Civil War. DEA uses its faculties and classrooms for offices and medical rooms. The gym is our hangar." He explained slowly while simultaneously composing his next thoughts into Japanese. "Because DEA is not approved by the government, we have to be secret. This building is old and nobody will care if we use it."

"What is DEA? Does it stand for something?" Shinji asked, careful to enunciate for Gordon.

"Designing Eva Alternatives." Gordon said it first in English, and then explained the acronym in Japanese. "We don't want to stop fighting the Angels, but we believe that using children as pawns is unfair and cruel. The life-span of a pilot is dramatically shortened by the stress on his body." Shinji felt a pang at the truth in those words. Something he was never told, but he knew just the same.

Gordon continued, "Since the beginning of the Evangelion pilot recruiting many years ago; there have been people all over the world who were opposed to using children. The reason that programs got away with making soldiers from babies, we were told, was that there was no other way to create that unique bond with the mysterious robots. It doesn't take a scientist to know that something was hidden from the public about the piloting programs. DO you know of any pilot whose family keeps close contact? Any pilot who lives at home?"

Shinji thought of Asuka's distant relatives' brief bimonthly calls and Rei's detachment from any family, whatsoever. He thought of his father… "Not one. Any real family is distant and uninvolved with the pilot's life, I guess…"

"Yes, exactly. No program can afford to let it's precious pilot to be distracted with the ties and rituals of a normal family. Do you think that the pilots in other countries were all sons of involved scientists or had families willing to throw their child into absolute Danger? Of course not! When a child elicits notice from one of the programs for some special trait (high intelligence quotient test scores, abnormal agility, or other forms of prodigy), special measures are taken to make the separation from his or her family…a clean break." Gordon paused in front of their destination and let Shinji absorb this as he unlocked a door.

"What do you mean…?" Shinji asked. Gordon waved him into the warm room and put a finger in the air to arrest his questions for the moment. The room was designed with comfort in mind, despite its oppressively dark curtains and sharp, black conference table. The man took a swift look around and selected a pair of empty leather chairs by a cold fireplace. A cloud of dust rose with a squeak as the pair at down, facing each other.

"What this means, Shinji, is that if the parents could not be paid or compensated for their child's permanent recruitment (provided he or she passed the basic synchronization tests)… Other means of persuasion would be used without the child's knowledge. The family is given a choice: silently and calmly surrender your son or daughter without hesitation or…" Gordon dragged his finger across his throat and stared into Shinji's horrified eyes. "Either send him to the wolves, or see him butchered before you. Those are the options given to each mother and father of your average pilot. And the child must never know of the threat; lest a tragedy occur." Shinji could guess what a "tragedy" was when a desperate recruitment was hanging in the balance. He gasped at this new knowledge and held his hands in his hair. He had never wanted to pilot, but was doing it anyway and… well he never thought of it as an evil thing in this light. He piloted for the benefit of those he loved, at whatever unfair cost… but to know that families were torn apart for this…

"And what about DEA? What does this have to do with you?"

"It's simple, in one sense. Like I said; many people were opposed to using the children, obviously. We were only told that there was simply no alternative. We were unhappy with this pacifier of an excuse, and so now we are the alternative."

"But… how? What can you do without an Evangelion? There have been other robotics and attacks that were no good against the Angels. Nothing else works!" Shinji appealed. He was afraid of where this conversations was headed and how much it reminded him of the Dummy Plugs.

"We are aware of the unique powers that an Evangelion has against an Angel, and we believe that they can be harnessed in a different capsule, so to speak. An unmanned machine can only go so far with our current technology in remote manipulation. Also, power sources are limited for large vehicles or weapons. Most of the members of DEA are ex-members of pilot programs, space programs, or scientific universities. We have every sort of scientist available, as well as a number of military personnel working inside several organizations as spies. We are a network of pilot families, repenting recruiters, and troubled citizens. This school represents only a minute fraction of our front, and we are spinning webs throughout every remaining country… except Japan." He explained, purposely avoiding the answers to Shinji's questions.

"But, I've never heard of DEA… Surely NERV would have been aware of your existence if you are global…" he reasoned. "And if you didn't have any men in Japan, then how did you know about Asuka and I? How did you know we were still alive after the last… attack at headquarters." Gordon sighed and sat back in his chair.

It was going to be a long morning.

A/N

_I'm starting to put things together, now. Hopefully you understand about as much as Shinji does at the moment, so just be patient for the next installment. Also, I'm going to change the name of this story. The original title, Don't Leave Me, was just a temporary fix for my usual problem with names. I just happened to be listening to a friend's 90's playlist on an ipod and the song "Don't Leave Me" by that preteen cult-favorite band, Blink-182, came on. DOn't get me wrong, I've always had a special place in my heart for their good beats and immature lyrics, but I don't think that the title carries the fun of that song. It just doesn't fit. I thought I'd tell you about it before I changed it._

_I'll mention the new title in a note at the end of the next chapter, and change it for good when submitting the chapter after that. The description keeps changing because it's hard to describe something that you sort of... add-lib throughout. The entire story is composed of liberties taken on my own ideas (which were already taking liberties on a copyrighted concept.) haha_

_Leave me comments or I'll feel ignored and stop writing :D _

In the next chapter: (Title: Secret Celebrities)  
What is it that DEA does, really?  
Why do they want Shinji and Asuka?  
What is their "alternative" and will it be just another dummy-plug project??  
And, hey! What the heck is going on with Asuka, anyway?


	8. Chapter 7 Secret Celebrities

**Chapter 7**: Secret Celebrities

Gordon paused a moment to light his cigarette and prolong the absolute confusion. "Are you telling me," he began, "That neither you nor Asuka is aware of the level of fame that the NERV pilots have reached? Everyone knows of the three child heroes of mankind. You may not realize it, but you two have become quite the celebrities in recent months." He quietly chuckled out a slow fog of smoke at Shinji's facial expression. "Of course, the local governments of different countries try to skew the truth and nobody really knows what you look like."

"I always knew that we were famous… that the Evas were famous in Japan. Asuka was always pointing that out" He thought of her constant preoccupation with fame and reputation. "I suppose it would make sense that other countries made a big deal of the only publicly popular program defending earth. What I can't understand… is how you know so much about me considering I was never on TV, or in the papers. NERV always kept our personal information secret… And how did you know I was still alive?"

"That's all true. Nobody, aside from you normal acquaintances and officers, has seen even a picture of you since you began the program. Moreover, the fame of the second child was extremely local in Germany and quickly died down when she left for Japan. As for the first… well, nobody knows anything about this 'Ayanami'. We still haven't traced her at this point…"

"Okay, but how did you trace me." Shinji's impatience was bubbling under his skin. Gordon had a sneaky way of avoiding direct answers.

"I told you that we have spies in most of the Evangelion related fields." The boy nodded. "Well it's obvious that some of them have seen a battle or two in their careers. Do you remember the naval fleet where you made the first contact with the girl?"

"Asuka… and yeah, of course." Shinji's frustration was rising at the way he was being handled in this conversation.

"Some of our men were on those ships. That is just one example of how far-reaching DEA is. I won't list all of the times that some of our spies have made discreet contact, but you understand that we have been given plenty of secondhand visions of your appearances and demeanors. Our records lack photographs or official papers, but are filled to the brim with word-of-mouth reports. Like I said: celebrities." Gordon let this sink in, satisfied with his explanation's vagueness. He opened a folder from a nearby table and read aloud, "  
'Male, approximately 15 years old.  
Quiet and introverted personality with social fears evident.  
Short brown hair and no taller than 5' 5''.  
Thin build and usually wearing a uniform of some type.  
Pilot of Unit 001 and the only known child of Ikari, Gendo.'

"Not bad for secondhand information, is it? Although from the looks of you now we'll have to alter this file… Would you like me to read the others'?"

"No. I see what you mean… I—I don't need to hear the others. Just continue." Shinji mumbled. The description of himself stung a bit as it summed him up so neatly, and in so few words.

"Right. So essentially, you and Asuka are the only known surviving NERV personnel. The only ones being tracked down, anyway. SEELE has covered up the "incident" at NERV headquarters by leading the media and investigators to believe that an Angel wiped out all of the pilots. Their unchallenged military have already silenced any chances of a leak in their fishy explanations. But without proof of remains or bodies people still wonder… what happened to the children, and where is Unit 001?" Gordon blew smoke from the corner of his mouth as he leaned in closer to Shinji, searching for his reaction to the mention of Unit 001's disappearance. "Do you know what happened to your Eva, Shinji? Where SEELE has hidden it?"

"It's not my Eva." Was the only response he was going to give him. Shinji did not like where this conversation was headed, and was not about to tell Gordon that he did know where Unit 001 was… and that SEELE would give anything to know. "After the attack on NERV... How did you find us? How did you know we were captured and escaped the other facility?"

"SEELE made one major mistake: They moved you from Japan. I told you, that is the only place where we aren't involved and it was the only reason we haven't reached you before now. They brought you to a secret Canadian base of theirs to run experiments. Of course there would be medical supplies and military supplies needed over the last two months, and I had a few insiders on the deliveries. When they started shipping in LCL in tanks… Well it was all we could do to stay hidden and wait for our chance to pounce."

"You were waiting for us to escape? That seems like a risky plan… it's a miracle we got out at all. How did you predict something like that?"

"I would like to say we had faith in your rebellion, but it is really much simpler than you think. You are a celebrity, even in top secret. Do you think that we are the only program, aside form SEELE, who wants to… find you? There are a number of groups, some formidably powerful, others pathetically ill-equipped, that dream of using your abilities and knowledge to make their own plans come to life. It wasn't long before some of the hastier ones began to cause trouble for SEELE and give you enough of a head start to escape. Of course, to be honest; your escape probably surprised them more than anything. It's not like you to… go against any grain, if you don't mind my observation."

Shinji nodded and slowly turned over all of the information in his mind. A killer headache was constricting his thought like the pressure at the bottom of a pool. He had one more important question. "What is it that you, that DEA wants from us? What dreams can you fulfill with the last trained pilots if… if your whole purpose is against the use of children? Why did you cap—rescue us?"

"In time, you'll understand just what you can do for us, but for now I only need one thing from you: consent. I cannot disclose our project to you without your willing consent that both you and Asuka will be exclusive to us and remain under our protection until the conclusion of our plans. We cannot risk a leak after coming so far with DEA. If I were to release you now, and you foolishly told anyone of D-E-A and any of the information I've given you; it wouldn't hurt us one bit.  
Who would believe in a global organization with no funding, no press, and spies all over the world? Only our already existing members would know that your words were anything more than paranoia or myth... and before long, one of them would silence you."  
Gordon accented this statement by crushing the fag into the arm of his chair, making the leather hiss. "So you see, Shinji; we would greatly appreciate your cooperation with our group. Your DEA membership would be utterly priceless to us. You would have our protection and compensation, of course. Asuka will be taken care of, regardless of your joining. The decision is all yours to make, and I'll need an answer before I can give you any more information."

Shinji stared at Gordon's boots and clenched his sore fist repeatedly, running through his options. He didn't like the sound of this at all and knew that if he agreed, he would be trapped. But what choice did he truly have? If it wasn't DEA, it was SEELE or some other group. Gordon could be lying about any of this. How could he trust anyone? Anyone except… Asuka.

"What about Asuka? Doesn't she have to agree to this?" Shinji thought aloud.

"She is unstable and has a record for noncompliance. Her say in this matter is currently not up for review. You carry the decision for both of you. It's all or nothing, and we would be depending on you for her cooperation and understanding." Gordon stated. He wore a patient and rehearsed expression.

Shinji sat up straight made his decision for the time being. "I would like to talk to her about this, first. I can't make a decision right now." He almost trembled with anticipation for how the soldier would react to his bold response.

"Very well, then." The man sighed. "As soon as she is in a stable condition and you think her rationality has returned, you can make your decision together. Until then, I'll ask you to stay within the campus of this school and not to try anything foolish. It's time to lay low and plan carefully, and I eagerly await your decision. We are here to help you, and those like you." Gordon stood and stretched his enormous arms. "You can talk to me whenever you wish, but understand my limitations with answers until you are with us."

"Okay, I will. How do I find you?" Shinji asked.

"Oh, I'll be around. I'm sort of important, here. I wouldn't call myself the head of this group… but I'm a leader of sorts. I'll bet the foot-soldier guise was convincing?" Shinji nodded. "Well I've spent the better part of my young life as a private, but my real identity has become a mask for my true calling. Let's just leave it at that."

"So, it's still 'Gordon', right?" Shinji asked. His eyes darted over the black uniform and array of weapons at his belt.

"Bill Gordon, at your service." The man grinned, showing all of his perfect teeth. He swiped a hand through his spiky hair and made a bekoning gesture to Shinji. "Let me show you around the school. I'm starving, how about you?"

* * *

"I am getting sick of waking up and not knowing where the hell I am." Asuka thought aloud. She picked at the piece of medical adhesive holding the IV needle in place. He legs stubbornly refused to behave themselves and the straps across her pelvis and chest made her attempts to get up into wasted energy. Beside her pillow was a note scrawled in familiar handwriting.

_I'll be back soon to visit. Everything is going to be all right. We're in a safe place, I promise._

She had crumpled it in anger during her initial fit upon waking up, but calmed herself before another doctor could do it for her with an injection. She quietly re-opened the paper and smoothed it out as best she could. Just this once, she decided to leave it to him. Rather than admit that she had no choice but to trust totally in that boy, she decided that she was doing it as a test. See if trusting him with this situation would work; and if not… what did she have to lose? At least if he failed to deliver them from this one, she would keep her pride. It was a win-win for her now that she considered herself dead to the world.

She spent the last hour glaring at the nurses, panicking at the sight of needles and more medication, brought to her on trays or in IV drips. She spoke enough English to interrogate each doctor and was endlessly frustrated when they didn't answer her questions. She denied their piteous, parental gestures of a pat on her arm or a reassuring chin-up. Several would come in and just watch her, claiming to be keeping her company… and she would accept that easily enough before drifting into inevitable sleep. She didn't need company, but let them please themselves… She was as good as gone, anyway.

But why was she so terrified…? She had only seen his face once since she had woken up. She wouldn't admit it, but she was desperate to see him again and make sure he was really there. Where was that boy, and why hadn't he told her anything but: _we're safe_.

To a nurse's dismay, Asuka found a small mirror amongst the pile of apparatus that she had previously knocked from her hands. For half an hour she had stared in disbelief at the wild girl in the glass. Her concave features and thin-skinned complexion were altogether, simply unbelievable. The many scratches on her chin and paleness of her lips made for an exaggerated contrast, and the feeding tube was bizarrely askew from her last fit. Her hair that had once been made up of so many shades of red looked dull and was caked with iodine. She even had a few small patches where it had become thin or fallen out in clumps from malnourishment.

When that unfortunate nurse noticed that she had seen her reflection, she knew that she should be concerned. The girl had obviously been beautiful before this mess and was renowned for vanity and pride in her file. Expecting another tantrum, she called for assistance and delicately tried to pry it from those thin fingers. There was no tantrum, or collapsing into sobs as the nurse expected. Instead, Asuka denied that it was truly her reflection and tossed the mirror to the floor as if dismissing it altogether. The nurse delicately reached out to her and promised that the hair would grow back, but Asuka was unresponsive. In a decision obviously fueled by the ignorance of Asuka's typical behavior, she decided to wash her hair and cheer her up a bit. She hummed a quiet song and carefully lathered the messy tangles over a basin of war water brought to the bed.

Asuka made no attempts to stop her… until she started to brush it and it came out in handfuls. At this, the wrecked girl shoved away from the nurse, yanking at the pathetic strands of still-clinging hair. The basin spilled grimy water all over the floor and Asuka's shrieks were piercing the calm, scattering the entire medical staff.

And then, she stopped. Exhausted and upset, she gasped a last few half-sobs and fainted against her bed, hands still entangled in the surviving locks. The horrified nurse covered her mouth and choked back a sob. What type of life—what conditions had this child endured to charge such behavior? She pitied her and wished that she could take her home, and the thought reminded her (and several others in the room) of their own children. So many were God knows where, going through whatever this girl had experienced in her career as an Eva pilot.

Swiftly, the nurses swept about the room, cleaning up the mess and straightening Asuka in her bed. One of the older men entered with a barber's kit and a pitiful look on his face. The air was still and silent but for the buzzing as he gently sheared away the last bits of hopelessly matted hair. Without it, she looked all the more sick, and they could see several other small injuries to tend to before she woke up again. Someone recommended an extra dose of vitamins to help her hair grow faster and another nurse wrote it down on a chart immediately. It had been a tense and heart-wrenching few minutes, but there was no time to linger and mope. DEA was the best hope to end this sort of pawn play and save their children from this condition. And once again, Asuka was alone.

…

"Hey, wake up." Shinji said as he carefully tapped his friend's shoulder. "How are you feeling?"

"How do you think, stupid." She replied without opening her eyes. She could feel his stare like a hot lamp against her face.

"I cam to tell you about where we are. How we got here… whatever you want to know, I'll try to tell you." He made an effort not to let his agony over her condition affect his voice. Without her hair, she was so much smaller….

"It's about time, you know. I've been in a daze and bored with waiting for you." That was a lie. She was anxious and afraid, and waiting was an understatement.

"I've been coming in a lot, Asuka. You were asleep. They wouldn't let me stay. Didn't you get my note?" he asked.

"Oh, yeah. I guess I forgot about it after…" she felt her buzzed head and squeezed her eyes shut to prevent them from running hot and making a mess of her again. She felt Shinji's hand on her head as he pulled hers away. She was too tired to tell him to stop; or so she told herself. Far to exhausted to pull her cold hands from his warmer ones. "L-look. This is the last time, but I'm going to trust you with this. You have to figure out where we go from here if you insist on dragging me along all the time. I'm leaving it up to you, whatever you want to do about the mess we're in. I don't care. It's not that I want to stay with you, but if you leave me…"

"I won't." he said, almost squeezing her hand, but thinking better of it. This wasn't like in the woods, and he wondered if that closeness had ever really happened at all. He knew better than to bring it up. "I've been talking to Gordon. He's the man who brought us here."

"I remember him. Go on." She interrupted.

"Well, there's a decision he has asked me to make. It will decide what we're going to do and who we're going to go to for protection. He asked us for our loyalty to a different organization… asked _me_ for our loyalty. This place is just a small part of something big called DEA. It's an English acronym for Designing Eva Alternatives… They want to stop the use of teens for pilots"

Asuka frowned incredulously and shook her head. "They're no different than those making the new dummy plugs… I _knew_ it... This place isn't right…" She squirmed at the thought.

"No, I think that's not it. They are very opposed to whatever SEELE is up to. Asuka, Gordon could have a lot of important answers for us. We're not going to be forced to cooperate, but he can't tell us anything or protect us from SEELE without our contract. We've got to make a decision about this… I don't know what to do or who to trust. You're the only one I trust right now.

_You're the only one I can trust,"_ she thought. "Tell me more about DEA. Just where the hell _are_ we? How am I supposed to make a decision if you don't tell me these things?"

He cleared his throat and released her hands to touch the split in his lip, revealing a pink smear on his finger. Asuka stared at his smashed up appearance and extremely bad hair. It was longer than she had ever seen it and covered his goofy ears at last. He was wearing only a pair of baggy pants that were certainly not his size and several rolls of white gauze wrapping around his chest and shoulders. His fingernails were broken and looked painful. She looked at his swollen face and decided that it was okay if he was missing that tooth near the back of his front palette, and that his black eyes didn't make him look weak, like she had always imagined. She did hope his nose wasn't really broken… He seemed tense and worried, but not like his old self. Before he could open his mouth to speak, she cut him off.

"You know what? … Never mind. Just do what you think is best. You can tell me all about it, but I want this to be your decision." She waited for an "are you sure?", several "ums", or at least an "I can't." As usual, she was ready to shoot them down. None came. He just nodded and relaxed in the chair that a nurse brought in for him, resting his entwined fingers on the bed. She smirked at him and he gave her a half-smile back as son as she wasn't looking.

"Thanks for trusting me. It means a lot, and I don't know what I would do without it."

"Just tell me more about DEA, already." She feigned impatience and would have blushed if not for the sorry condition of her circulation at the moment. "How long until we have to give them an answer?"

"As soon as you're ready, I think we should trust them." The impact of his decision made her heart jump. Not only was it a bold move, but it was _Shinji_ making a bold move.

"Okay."

"Are you ready?" he asked.

"Not until you tell me what's been going on. I'm in the dark and you had better spill." She said. "_I'm ready if you are…"_ she thought. He looked around the room for an extra blanket and finally settle on stealing one from her bed for his chair, leaving it partially over her so that it was a tent between the chair and bed.

"It's all still unclear to me, but I'll try my best."

* * *

A/N:

I know the chapters seem short, but I think we're just a little spoiled on those nice long ones that people with time put up for us to read. I'm spitting out chapters as quickly as possible, so please be patient. They cartainly aren't so short when I'm typing them up from scratch, so read slowly. (haha)

Also, is everyone following well enough? You should be, but I don't see the harm in asking. I think that I'll have to go back and eliminate some of that intro before Chapter 1, because my ideas are running all over the place and that darned thing is limiting me left and right. I'll keep it a little longer, and then decide what to change. If I do change it, you might want to go back and give it a look. Chances are, however, that I'll just eliminate it altogether and let the story explain itself. Maybe a quick setting preview is appropriate, but the rest seems superfluous.

And the Title! Yes I am changing it, now. When I install the next chapter, the title wil be changed to: **Reliance**

Simple enough, makes my point, and summarizes the theme. So if you haven't favorited, bookmarked, or set up an alert for this story and still wish to continue reading... maybe you should remember that new title. Perhaps you'll find it reguardless, but this is just a heads-up.

Thanks for your patience, and keep the reviews coming.

A/N II :

Go read the new intro to the first chapter. It's in the form of a story/interlude. Vey short, but makes the effect a bit better if I may say so myself. Tell me if you like it.


	9. Chapter 8 Fathers and Oranges

_A/N: Thanks a million for the reviews. They are the fuel for this factory and it is so much easier to write when I have some comments and especially the helpful criticism. Without reviews, I don't think I'd write very quickly, if at all. (Was that blackmail? P)_

* * *

Chapter 8: **Fathers**

With a steady hand and a sharp razor, Gordon scraped away at his stubble. How he disliked that dry, scratching of the hairs against the blade… He had to stoop low to see his reflection in the mirror of what used to be an elementary school boys' bathroom. With a deep "ha" he thought of the irony of his shaving at this particular sink, but the slight smile that quirked his cheek caused him to cut the edge of his jaw. Cursing loudly, he placed a piece of paper on the third cut thus far and continued to scrape. He also hated old-fashioned, naked razors. Just as he was focused in once more, Shinji came around the corner and greeted him with a loud, "Oh, hi."

"Ah shit!" Gordon breathed as he made yet another tiny cut.

"Sorry!" Shinji winced, backing away into the restroom. "I didn't see you were shaving… ah… sorry." He just knew that the big man would turn around and face him with a mighty glare, holding his bloody razor.

"It's all right… I didn't need your help to do that." Gordon turned and patted his face dry with a towel, revealing three other cuts that bled slightly. "I guess I never learned how to do this right. Happens every time." He sighed and placed fresh pieces of the white paper on his cuts, severely taking away from his strong-man image.

"Is that how you got that scar?" Shinji asked meekly, pointing to a thin white line running the length of Gordon's jaw-line. "I hadn't noticed it before."

"No, that… wasn't an accident. It's nothing impressive. There's not really a story or anything for that one." Gordon crouched again to see his reflection. "That was from a fight with my father when I was 16. He won."

"Oh... I—sorry. That's terrible" Shinji thought aloud. "I've never really fought like that with my father…" Bill watched Shinji sink into deep thought about his own vicious dad and decided that it wasn't good for him to dwell.

"Yeah it's a shame he was such a _bastard_, my old man. He never even taught me how to shave." The grin on Gordon's face made Shinji forget about how much he hated his father, if only for a second. He wished he could casually call Gendo a bastard, but the words would never form. A slight chuckle echoed through the bathroom and Shinji stepped up to wash his hands at the sink. "Do you shave yet, boy?"

"Um, no." He desperately avoided looking at the ridiculous pieces of paper with their red polka dots.

"Well that makes since I guess. It would be a little early, especially for a Japanese…" Gordon looked at the razor and had an idea. "Do you want to learn how, so you don't lose all authority every time someone catches you shaving?" two pieces of paper fluttered to the ground from his chin and Shinji tried not to laugh. He extended a fresh razor to the teen and smirked as he flinched backwards from his hand.

"Um, I guess so. It's not so hard, right?" Shinji took the blade and put some water on his face. The very first stroke brought blood and a howling laugh from Gordon. Feeling betrayed, but unable to suppress a smile; Shinji gave up and nursed the fresh cut. "It's not that funny."

"I guess not, but at least it builds character. You'll have enough scars by the time those scratches close up, so you'd better not try shaving until you need it."

Shinji laughed sadly and saw that Bill was right. Already, he could see the pinkness in the makings of a scar on the bridge of his nose and he could only hope that the middle of his right eyebrow would grow back okay after the scab was gone. These didn't trouble him as much as his tooth, however. He pulled back his lip and inspected the broken one and the gap near the back of his mouth. Gordon clapped a hand onto his back, hitting a gash precisely but not noticing.

"We should get you checked over as soon as you decide to join DEA. We've got a number of every kind of doctor. There's bound to be a dentist." The strange way that Gordon made the remark gave Shinji both a chill and a warm feeling at the same time. This man was formidably powerful and could easily bend Shinji to his will, but kept saying nice things and acting like a long lost Uncle. But although his offer was kind, the tone was almost menacing. He never referred to the decision as something Shinji would decline. It was always "when", "as soon as", and "after" he decides to join DEA. The exasperated and frightened pilot could only hope that the unexpectedness in Gordon's tone was out of a natural desperation, and not something wicked. He was like a tiger whose growls could be playful, plaintive, or threatening; if only Shinji knew the diffence.

"We're still undecided…" Shinji said. He had already toldHe wanted to get a better idea of what kind of man Gordon was before he could place his life, and the life of his only friend, in those big hands.

"That's fine, for now. It's only been a few days and Asuka still seems too dazed to be completely rational. I'd like to know by the time she can be taken off of the IV, however. We're happy to help you both, but this is a tight program we run and there's no room for you if you don't agree to help. Without your compliance, our task will be doubly difficult and we'll need to recover our losses quickly." Gordon's bluntness was awfully harsh sounding, and he turned to leave without waiting for a response from the boy.

"Um.. okay, we can be ready to let you know by then… but is there anything else you can tell me? About yourself?" Shinji pleaded at the man's back.

"Hmmm… maybe later, kid. I have a meeting to get to and I need to stop this bleeding before I make an ass of myself in front of my coworkers."

And with that, he strode away from Shinji, making short work of the long hallway and disappearing around a corner. More confused than ever, Shinji made his way towards Asuka's room to see if she wanted some lunch.

* * *

Asuka decided that she was hungry and would risk her very life for something more than the half of a sandwich and small cup of soup she was given. Several nurses explained to her, patiently, that her stomach could not handle anything more and she would not starve to death before the next meal. She knew she was being difficult and that she couldn't make them obey; but she continued to boss the three women and one male that visited her room in shifts.

"Don't touch me!" was the most popular retort to absolutely anything they attempted, from administering shots to fluffing her pillow. Despite their kind faces and soothing tones, she was terrified of them; and wasn't about to let it show. Most of the bandaging and medicating took place during her inevitable sleep, but nothing could be done for her when she was awake. The very sight of an approaching doctor made he tremble with fear, which she poorly disguised as shaking with rage. Only when Shinji came in would she compose herself and take her medication without a fight. He watched her dig long fingers into her sheets and squeeze her eyes shut when they changed a particularly important bandage or gave her a painful injection in her dehydrated veins. She glared at him when he winced and would sometimes pretend it was nothing so he wouldn't get that pitiful look she hated so much.

Twice she asked him to make a doctor go away because the nutrients she had been injected with could burn like hot lead through her veins. She felt the potassium crawl through her arm and explode across her back, making each tiny vessel shriek. There was no masking the fact that it simply hurt so much she wanted to cry. She wouldn't, of course, but she did beg Shinji to "get that damned clumsy idiot" out of her sight twice before her vitality had been enough for her to fight back herself.

He had given the doctor and nurse apologetic looks and asked them to be careful, although he knew they didn't speak Japanese. They would return the looks and leave, electing to give her the rest of her medication during another drug-induced sleep. Afterwards, he never said a word about her begging him to make them leave; knowing it would be trouble. She was getting back her fire, and he wasn't about to stomp it out.

Now as she waited for him to visit and smuggle some of his lunch to her, she passed the time by running hands across her bald head, mindful of a few painful bruises. Whenever she wasn't sleeping or worrying about the doctors, she was feeling the shortness of her buzzed hair, though it always upset her greatly. She knew she must look wretched, pitiful, ugly… all of those things she hated to be seen as. The sad faces made for her by all of the staff were terrible, but she had realized something in the past two facilities she had been hospitalized in.

Those looks of pity, no matter how she hated them; were not as bad as the cold and analytical stares she got from the SEELE scientists. She often threw a fit over nothing with the DEA staff because she wanted to see them fret and worry. Their emotions and raised voices were strangely comforting after those two months where the most human response she ever elicited was a terse look and a sharp stab in the neck or leg with something to me her still. She didn't want to admit it, but she was still starving for attention in a way different than her old personality suggested. She needed to be talked to and worried about. For the first time in her life, she wanted to be looked after and waited on, in the most unselfish of ways.

She heard Shinji coming down the hall and recognized his shuffling, unsure steps outside her door. She feigned sleep so as to appear relatively less desperate to see him than she secretly knew that she was, especially concerning the prospect of smuggled food. She heard him carefully close the door and tip toe to his usual chair. When the sound of plastic unwrapping was too tantalizing for her to deny any longer, she opened her eyes and greeted him with a: "Hmmm."

"I brought you some fruit." He said quietly. There was a handful of grapes and an orange in a plastic baggie and offered them to her proudly, knowing she was thankful even if she only shrugged. He wanted to laugh as she choked down the grapes in seconds flat, but pretended to be intensely interested in the seam of his pants leg instead.

"…Thanks. They're practically starving me here. I've hardly eaten a thing since… I can't remember." She really, truly couldn't remember her last fully digested meal since her initial capture. It must have been something from the apartment… something instant and dangerously sodium-packed.

"They're making me eat at least four times a day now, to get my strength up and prevent infections." Shinji boasted, knowing she would glower jealously at him, while her mouth was too full to speak. He wondered if it was cheating: the way he suddenly found himself able to talk to her more now that she was totally unable to fight back. …_Nah._

"I talked to Bill today," he said, changing the subject on her mind from torturing him to their risky decision-making. "I know that I said we could trust him… before when I first told you about this place, but I'm still not sure still. One minute he's perfectly kind and the next he's… I don't know. Odd."

"What could you be unsure about? Either he's trustworthy or a snake; we stay here or we run," she argued. Knowing that her response was totally irrelevant, she sighed and lie back in her bed. "I don't know what to say about him. I can't trust anyone right now, but we've got to go somewhere. We should make a plan for what we'll do if he turns nasty or we decide not to join after all."

"I guess you're right," he groaned.

"I am," she snapped. "Where are we, geographically?"

"Gordon said… Newark, I think"

"Was it New York?" she sighed, impatient with Shinji's terribly geography and knowledge of the world.

"Oh, yeah. That's the one. Heh…" He scratched the back of his head in embarrassment. _How was I supposed to know that class would ever matter? She should cut me a break, considering I'm not the one who went to college…_

"I guess it's not your fault that you're hopelessly geographically challenged. I did pass this course in the University…" Shinji was almost dumb stricken that her insult was so… forgiving. "Did he say if it was the city or just the state?"

"Huh? He never mentioned anything like that, why? What's the difference?" He was utterly clueless.

"Augh! It's the difference between being lost in Tokyo-3 to being lost in the whole of Japan! A state can be enormous, whereas a city name would certainly help out our navigation." Her impatience was rising, despite deciding that she would be easy on him today.

"Okay, I get it. He didn't say, though; and he won't answer any questions directly. It's misleading and makes it difficult to know how much he is hiding. We're simply not going to get any concrete information unless we help out DEA."

"That's almost certain… They have us cornered all right. I think we'll just have to make plans for the event of an escape; not a release. Understand?"

"I do. We have at least another week before we have to give our decision. We may have already made it, but let's wait before we let it out." Shinji suggested.

"Okay, so we'll see what this DEA nonsense is about. I seriously doubt they have enough power to stand up against SEELE or do anything about the Angels… Our only hope at the moment is that we're hidden and protected, more or less." She started to peel the small orange, loving the citrus smell that began to fill the room. "So… that's that. We'll investigate and make plans after we figure out this DEA nonsense. For now, we side with Gordon.

"Right." Shinji was distracted by an itch in the cut through his eyebrow. 8 fresh stitches had been put in to reduce the scarring and they were pure torture not to scratch. Asuka noticed this and smugly scratched her nose, making sure he noticed. He only smiled and she was almost angry that she didn't get him back for the food.

"You look like a bear mauled your face, you know," she said casually; directing her attention back to the fruit. "That's what you should tell people when they ask you how you got those scars."

"Hey, that's unfair. They're way better than before and my right eye is completely open now." He whined. "Besides, I'll just tell them the truth, if anyone asks."

"That you got your face smashed into the gravel?" she laughed evilly at her clever remark.

"No—that I was trying to protect my friend." He corrected. She stopped laughing and the atmosphere became heavy with tension. Gratitude and irritation fought for dominance in thunderclouds above Asuka's head, but Shinji wasn't quite finished. "That's way cooler than a bear attack, right?" She smirked, but hid it behind the orange.

"Yeah, I guess so," she conceded. "Hey... thanks for that, by the way."

"Um…yeah, anytime. We've got to be team mates, now. We've got to stick together and um, look out for each other. I mean… right?" He muttered shyly. _Team mates? God I'm pathetic…_

"Sure. Just don't get it in your head that it's because one of us is better than the other. You've got the strength, for now; and I'm the brains. That's all." She quickly added. _Team mates? I'm not even touching that one._

A knock on the door interrupted their conversation and made Shinji jump up from his chair as if he had something to be guilty about. _Oh yeah… _Asuka suddenly remembered the food rule and was staring into the disapproving frown of a particularly strict nurse. She handed the orange to Shinji and pulled him back to his seat with a determined glare on her face. As long as he was there, they would leave her alone. He smiled sheepishly at the large woman in the doorway and took a bite of the orange. She simply rolled her eyes and left them in peace.

When the door shut, after what seemed an eternity to Shinji; he quickly spat the mouthful of orange peel in the bedside garbage bin.

"Gross…" he spat.

"You idiot… you ruined my orange."

* * *

A/N:

_Okay, so this one was a little odd. Not much happened aside from some characterization attempts and no real questions were answered. Gordon is still iffy (that's the idea), and Those kid are still dancing circles around each other…But you finished reading it and I'll have plenty of plot in the next chapters. This was a necessary lapse. I'm trying to pass some time and give an idea of what the few weeks of Asuka's recovery are like without the cliché "three weeks later" thing. I can't just throw the characters into another whirlwind of events with her all bedridden. I did shave her head though. I don't know what possessed me. I guess that just seemed like something that would really provoke a change in her. Maybe this story will go on so long that it has time to grow back. Who knows?_

In the next Chapter…

No more R&R for Asuka!

What's going on with SEELE, anyway?

Isn't about time that Gordon spilled the beans on DEA?

And how about some 411 on what DEA needs the pilots for?

Review me lots and I'll write faster.

PS: I'm changing the title to **Reliance** now.


	10. Chapter 9 Shakes

* * *

In the next Chapter…

Chapter 8: Shakes

"Is this your final decision?" Gordon asked the two teens seated in the armchairs of his appointed office. In another time, they might have been rebel school children and he the foreboding school master. He imagined the situation and almost laughed at the idea of the girl causing some mayhem that Shinji would have been pulled into innocently. His humorous daydream must have shown on his face, because Asuka was staring at him with unabashed discredit. Without her hair her expressions seemed magnified. Shinji cleared his throat and leaned forward in the chair.

"We're ready to join DEA and hear about your program. We want answers, and we'll be completely loyal as long as you give them to us." He hid his trembling and shaky voice by talking quietly and clenching his stomach muscles.

"As well as your protection, compensation, and promise not to reveal our whereabouts." Asuka added. While she was not fearless, her posture and eye contact spoke otherwise. Loudly.

"Done." Gordon said in a tone that was the nonchalant match to Asuka's brash demanding. He extended his hand to shake theirs and was met with looks of confusion. "Well, are you going to shake on it?" His face was utterly serious.

"Um… there's not any paperwork or… you want us to _shake_ on it?" Shinji sputtered. Asuka's mouth hung open at the unprofessional color of this whole outfit. She remembered the long hours of consulting her guardians had done with various men before she was designated as an Eva pilot. _Is he serious? We are so screwed…_

Shinji extended his hand for the bigger one and was just about to clasp it with as much ceremony as he could muster before it was jerked out of his reach. Both pilots gasped at the sudden movement and Asuka scooted back in her seat. Gordon simply began to boom with laughter and reach for two red folders from his desk drawer. "It was just a joke, Shinji. Stop fidgeting before you knock over my coffee." Again, his face became utterly sober.

Feeling his faith in their decision severely shaken, Shinji calmed himself and accepted a pen. The enclosed blue paper had very little text and was taken up mostly by a large logo for DEA printed in the center. It was reminiscent of NERV's logo in that it contained the large, capitol letters "D-E-A". There were important differences, Shinji felt. The white letters ran vertically through a thin, teal cross with pointed edges that were encased in a grey cross like the one Misato used to wear. The letters almost appeared to be stamped and ranged from white at the edges, in contrast to the teal; to a reddish center in the "E". It wasn't as elegant as the maple leaf, but it suggested a seriousness in the program that was reassuring after Bill's handshake charade. Wasn't there some other Japanese speaking person they could consult with? Someone without a sporadic personality and poorly timed sense of humor?

Asuka watched Shinji finish reading the paper to see if he would still sign. They had agreed, in a promise to themselves and each other; that they would have to join DEA. It was, as he explained, technically Shinji's decision. It was a both or nothing deal, and there was no extra pressure put on to sway their decision. Shinji had told her that he would sign… but as they sat in the stuffy room with that odd manifestation on DEA's ideal before them; things were different. She was nervous.

In very legal and bonding style, the document detailed their complete exclusivity and cooperation. They would be under the supervision and command of any authority members of the organization, and their secrecy was also of utmost importance. Aside from making these points inscrutably clear, the form did not suggest much more to being a member of DEA. Perhaps the papers weren't so important at all. If someone had seen them but decided not to sign; it would be disastrous for the sake of secrecy. It made sense, but gave them little to go on. She noticed that while Shinji's form was printed in his natural Kanji, hers was in German. In seconds, she had read through his to be sure they were the same. Everything was legitimate… but would he sign? She held her breath and watched his pen hover over the empty box at the bottom.

"I… have a request" Shinji said, breaking the tension like glass and leaving the space blank. "I thought I should speak up before I was a subordinate."

"Gordon gestured for him to go on, "What is it, Shinji? I'll see what I can do."

"There are a lot of people who are still missing— from NERV, I mean. If you have men all over the world…" he was having trouble making a demand on his part of the bargain. Asuka's eyes lit up with understanding. She laid a hand on his arm to interrupt him and finish his thought.

"We'll only agree to join if you help us find some of our missing… coworkers. It shouldn't be hard to locate a few people if you have spies all over the earth, right?" She was proud of Shinji for bringing this up, while at the same time frustrated for not thinking of it herself. He felt his forearm tingle at the ghost of a hand upon it.

"Very well… But that's enough negotiating. As much as we need you two, there is a limit to our power. I won't make false promises to get you to join."

"So, you'll help us?" Shinji asked, hopefully. He sounded a bit too desperate and immediately regretted it as the hand returned to its owner's lap.

"By helping us, you will be helping yourselves. Yes, we'll search for any NERV personnel that you can provide information for… but there's very little hope of finding any survivors." Gordon replied. "Are you going to sign?"

Shinji answered by scratching his signature inside the box and sliding it forward. Asuka did the same with noticeable hesitation. "Well, you've got us in writing, now," she sighed. Gordon calmly closed the red folders and returned them to their drawer. Sitting upright and extending his hand once more, he wore a charmingly warm smile.

"Welcome to DEA. We really appreciate this… You have no idea how much your loyalty means to us." His hand was still waiting as Shinji eyed it suspiciously. Asuka quickly grabbed it and shook a firm, business like "up-down", her fingers barely closing around his. "Thank you," Gordon whispered as he shook hands with Shinji, almost lifting the small teen from his seat with a powerful grip.

"So, tell us," Asuka began in a commanding tone, "just what is going on? Why do you need two pilots with no Evas. If we're not going to pilot, then what is we're supposed to do?"

"Oh, I think you'll be surprised at just how much you can do without getting inside of an Evangelion. Just your alliance with us will make such a difference to our members and give everyone a boost of confidence, for starters. But, as you might have guessed; I didn't ask you to join so you could be the poster children for our cause. We'll keep your location confidential. The reason we need _you_," Gordon stared directly at Asuka, "Is to better understand what it is that SEELE is up to with their dummy-plug system." Her face flushed and became, alarmingly, a shade paler. "I know it will be painful to uncover a fresh wound, but we need to know more about what they did in their Canadian base. There is so much of it that doesn't add up."

Shinji nodded, "I never knew anything about SEELE's involvement with us. I always thought it was just another one of the programs that supported Project-Evangelion. Why would they send the JSSDF…? Why would they assault their only hope for survival instead of letting NERV handle the Angels?"

"Those are excellent questions, Shinji. You have basically summed up half of DEA's current dilemma concerning the attack in Tokyo-3. We know a great deal about the _what_, but the _why _and_ how_ of such a coordinated infiltration are still mysteries. From what we have been able to gather, someone was working for them on the inside of NERV; and whoever it was must have gotten his hand caught in the cookie jar—so to speak. One of their important members must have made a bold move in the wrong direction, and SEELE has never been a very forgiving operation."

"Someone betrayed us?" Shinji thought aloud. "But how could you know that?"

"A rat has to find a new place to hide if he destroys his own den. Word of a NERV associate hopping from continent to continent has reached our intelligence and investigative division. We can't be sure that this person is the rat, but we'll make contact sooner or later and find out. You can be sure. That someone was simply overlooked by SEELE in this… disaster is all too suspicious. Whoever it is has a lot of explaining to do. To DEA, to the world, and especially to you two."

The two teens thought quietly at this prospect and searched themselves for who it could be. Who would betray them? Obviously, an attack on NERV headquarters would have needed support from the inside. Wasn't it a little bit too convenient that All Evas had been launched or in the process of launching when it happened. Everyone was so busy… nobody was ready for something so unprecedented at an aerial missile attack… Ten story monsters from outer space, hell, or some other dimension? Sure— but _not_ something as simple and effective as a missile attack.

Asuka noticed that Gordon had steered them away from their question yet again. "I'll tell you everything I can about that "testing", but I wasn't exactly coherent throughout the last parts… What I want to know is why that is important. What isn't adding up that the addition of two pilots will balance?" Her blatant impatience was almost endearing in Gordon's secret opinion. How much could he tell her without revealing how little he knew as certain?

"Do you remember the battle where you and Shinji shared a dummy plug and were able to defeat an Angel under impossible circumstances?" he sprinkled the question with a flavor that spoke to Asuka's pride.

"Of course we do." Shinji didn't seem the least bit bothered that Asuka had taken to speaking for both of them. "And Shinji tells me that you had men on those ships."

"Right, or else we would have never gathered so much precious… suspicion. You see, what you two did that day was not only unprecedented, unpredictable, and truly impressive; it should have been impossible. According to all Eva theory released to anyone a part of Project-E, there is no way that an Evangelion with two neurologically connected pilots would obey or function. 'The excess static caused by another presence of thought,' states the theory, 'would result in a loss of control of all motor functions in the biological frame of the Eva.'"

"I remember that Dr. Akagi was confused about it as well… but why is it important? Nothing is set in stone about the Evangelions, judging from the size of the research division."

"Exactly! You see, the terms and conditions for using children as pilots are contradicting each other. It took us a while to figure out just what was so fishy with your dual-piloting. In the process of researching the event, we uncovered another interesting incident where Shinji piloted his Eva with not one, but _two_ foreign minds in the plug." Shinji nodded to Asuka at the man's statement, remembering the time that his two classmates had taken shelter inside his entry plug.

"Suddenly all of the strict reasons that were given for selecting pilots at such a young age," Gordon listed them and counted on his fingers, " 'Less contamination during synchronization, Early stages in psychological development making it easier to create sympathetic nerve connections, and the impossibility of an adult's thought noise to translate into control'… All of these reasons that had been given to the parents of countless pilots; to cling to in place of their own children… suddenly didn't add up. If two—or three minds at once weren't too much of an issue, then what is the real reason that adults cannot pilot?"

Realization dawned on the pair that Gordon was making sense, and all of the reasons that had been, likewise, given to them for their express piloting…did not. With a burst of energy brought about by the looks on the pilots' faces; Bill continued his logic in the form of a question. "So just why _do_ we use children? Why not adults? Why not the very _designers_ of the Evas, themselves?" Suddenly the lecturing teacher, he waited for an answer from his students.

None came, but Gordon wasn't entirely surprised. The looks of denial and disbelief on the second child's face were dangerous to his plan. He knew that it was important to convince her of his idea that evil organizations have been exploiting her, while at the same time taking care not to undermine her incredible ability as a pilot. Her pride was a major flaw in her character; and he had no intention of shattering her by attempting to chisel it out.

Shinji's face, however; told of different expressions and sensations. The most prominent was betrayal, with just a trace of "eureka". He believed Gordon because from the beginning, he had always asked the same question: _Why_?

He had never wanted the fame or recognition that came with piloting. His first ever battle was hardly the beginning of a passion-filled career. So many afternoons he had fearfully awoken in that NERV hospital bed and tumbled the familiar "whys" of his situation. Twice; he had almost run away from it all. Rei's inhuman dissociation, his father's foreboding, the sudden expectation that he would just obey and succeed; at whatever cost to his mind… all of it had only fueled his unfaith in himself and whatever it was he was doing.

Now that someone had at last asked those same questions, he was dangerously eager to accept answers. For Asuka, such propositions were insulting and she found herself feeling threatened by what Gordon was implying. It was only her hunger for answers that kept her from becoming spiky and defensive. She plucked the question that was hanging in the air and quietly asked, "Why does DEA think that we were chosen?"

"Control." Gordon entwined his fingers and sat back in the large chair. "For reasons unknown, someone wanted to make sure that whoever piloting wasn't going to be getting any ideas. While the commanders of this grand operation against the Angels could probably reduce the paperwork and superfluous formality of orders and subordinates by simply piloting their own investments… why risk their own lives? Plenty of smart, skilled, or agile enough people are out there to be commanded. However, most of the qualified adults were deeply entwined in the program already. How could they be trusted not to play their own beliefs and ethics into their piloting? What adult would accept their duty and commit to it without demanding explanations?"

"So, we are chosen because we aren't capable of logic?" Shinji asked in an irritated voice.

"No, Shinji. You are chosen because you will obey and not question. Simply because you haven't lived as long, your morals are assumed to be looser and unformed. You are moldable and will not muddy up any plans with an ethical conflict. However, in the even that something does rub your conscience the wrong way," Shinji remembered holding Toji's plug in his very hand, "you can be swiftly brought under control. I am not trying to make it sound as if either of you are without beliefs or are weak-minded, but your express cooperation and relationships with NERV's leaders is proof of my point."

There was no denying that both had been deeply entangled in the dogma of their _cause_, even without knowing what Angels were or why they attacked. Shinji nodded to Asuka, and she nodded back.

"Okay, we see your point… It seems to make sense, even if there isn't any way to prove that you're not basing this all on mere speculation." The boy said, truly curious. "SO why do you need us? We have to know; what is it we're supposed to do for you? If you're so sure that adults can pilot, how are we important."

"There are three things you can do that we cannot. First, your time spent with SEELE is absolutely important. It is of paramount importance that we discover what they are up to and what motivated their sour turn on NERV."

_I'll bet dummy plugs are easier to control than us._ Asuka thought.

"Second, we want to run some… trials to discover how you could share a connection and control over one Eva. This knowledge will lead us closer to discovering why it works for some and not others. We need to know what similar trait between the two of you caused that connection."

"Wait—but how are we going to test that sort of thing without Unit 002? It was destroyed in the invasion after it was cut off from its power when headquarters was demolished. After I ran out of battery… I ejected and it was completely torn apart by the Angel…" Asuka ran the memory of her capture over and over in her head. Exiting the plug in the middle of a ring of soldiers and the terrifying darkness as a black bag was pulled over her head from behind…

"That's where Shinji can help us the most." Gordon said flatly, interrupting her thoughts. He stared into Shinji's eyes calmly, letting him know that there was no use in hiding the truth.

"What do you mean? What can he do, specifically? Shinji?" Asuka let her gaze flicker between the two.

"Third: He will be able to help us locate Unit 001. Isn't that right, Shinji?"

Asuka gaped at her companion, having no prior knowledge that he had hidden his unit during the attack. He tried not to return her stare that was burning into his cheek. He was far to concerned with how, or _if_, Gordon knew Shinji's secret.

* * *

One and a half miles underground, in the hollow of some concrete cavity; a dying prisoner stared without interest at her captors. She knew that they were talking—she even knew what they were asking her; but she could no longer hear them. Every sound was so distant and came pre-wrapped in a hollow ringing that changed pitch just often enough to prevent her from sleeping. They had been asking that same question, that same…damned… question for so long that her original decision not to respond had become an inability to respond. She just smirked at the two SEELE employees… She knew that it was SEELE, despite all of the hush and drama of masks and bright lights. What made them think that she would answer them now if she had beet utterly unbreakable thus far?

That wasn't exactly true, she knew. There had been a point of desperation in the beginning. One masked and armored warden entered her 4'x6'' cemented cell and crossed it in one massive step. There hadn't been enough time for her to stand up completely before he crashed his forearm into her head and knocked her back down. Knowing better than to fight, she let herself be kicked and yanked by her hair, all the while ignoring the man's demands for answers, answers, answers!

Finally, he stopped, panting and full of rage. He grabbed her in the usual way—by her hair, and brought her to stand and face him. In three words, he shattered her only hopes.

"We have them." A horrible silence pierced the cell. Whatever dams she had put up to hold back her emotions had suddenly, mercilessly been flooded. She brought her hands to either side of her head and shook it jerkily from left-to-right.

"..No. No!" she pleaded, pushing herself away and falling against the wall. Her whole world, all that was left of it now, was in the hands of these monsters. She had watched her coworkers, friends, and work destroyed before her eyes, and now the only treasures left to her were probably in a situation much like her own, if not worse. With no warning explanation, she had found herself prosecuted condemned and punished. Now, it seemed; she was also without hope. Shaking with rising sobs, she whispered," You're lying."

"No. You know it's true. Both of the surviving pilots are ours. Did you think we would just leave them alone? All that work to crush you, and we'd just forget about those little monstrosities? Don't fool yourself." He laughed at her blatant denial, watching reality sink in like the teeth of some awful serpent. "Perhaps you'd like to answer some questions now? They would certainly appreciate it."

He smiled wider, feeling the black mask rub against his cheeks. This was it. She was cracking. With a feeling of elevation and relief, the man knew that his own life was saved. Because she would finally break and reveal unit 001's location; he could live without fear of blame and execution for his failure to extract answers. In a sense of celebration, he stared openly at the naked prisoner and allowed himself to relax. What did she have to protect now?

Unfortunately for this distracted guard, the sheer maternal rage that filled Misato to the brim was about to explode and send her fists smashing into his throat before she broke his neck and shattered his jaw against the floor…

That had been the only time she let them influence her at all with dark solitude, molestation and torture, or detailed threats; but after the gruesome death of the stupid guard; she hadn't spoken once. To her captors' dismay, she had slipped into a virtually catatonic state of hopelessness and spite. With Kaji missing and more than likely… gone, and the children in their claws; they had taken everything. At last: everything that mattered was theirs, and she would be dead before she gave them anything else. Although, she truly didn't know where Shinji had hidden Unit 001, and how they had captured him without finding it. How does one hide a gigantic, _purple_ weapon of mass destruction?

She absently wondered if they knew that Shinji was the one who had hidden it, and that she hadn't ordered it. Surely they would have subjected him to this torture and just killed her… that was at least something to hope for. He had been in his usual school clothes before hopping into the plug, and maybe they wouldn't have figured out that he had been in his Eva during the attack… However, it was only a matter of time before they would deduce that…

So now, as they shone a fierce light in her pale face and shouted for answers still… she simply used the light to study her ribs and the hollow place that used to be an impressive stretch of abdominal muscles. She watched the scar tissue stretch with each breath she took, considering how despite all her father had done to save her: here she was. It wouldn't be long before she could rest at last… She welcomed death and the relief from this grief and torment it would surely bring. If only she could have seen Kaji one more time. If only she had somehow saved Shinji and Asuka… Her only family was still out there and still needed help; but what could she do?

While she was lost in her own grief, one mask nodded to another. It was time to carry out their strange order. They were about to risk something big with this move, but then… what danger was she at this point? One stepped forward and made sure that the woman was looking at his mouth through the hole in his mask.

"They escaped." He mouthed, plainly. "Impossibly, they have escaped and disappeared."

This got her attention at last, and she couldn't believe it wasn't a trick to get her to respond. Still, she took the bait; not caring if there was a hook. "What? Why would you tell me?" she croaked. Her voice was rusty from lack of use. No reply was given, and the men left the cell with the light. Her confusion swept over her in a wave that almost washed away the grief that had gnawed at her for these past months. _It's a miracle... maybe. But the Angels… and SEELE will never stop searching… Why would they tell me? _Would_ they tell me? _

As the door shut behind them, a whoosh of air rushed out and she was sealed in the dark, alone once more with her thoughts. For the first time in a long time, she prayed. She prayed to whatever and whoever would listen that somehow, someone would save them. Fingering her necklace, the only scrap she wouldn't let them take, she shook silently with emotion.

* * *

(A big ol') A/N:

Well here's a whopper by my usual standards. I'm starting to tie off my plot lines and steer towards somethng that will come together nicely. I have ideas... sooo many things are going to make sense soon. I'm definitely burning bridges, though. Stories escape my mind through some funnel of sorts. First it can just splash out as it pleases, but as it keeps coming it will have to narrow down into a trickle. SO many things are hard for me to put together with the true series. Like where the story begins, chronologically.

Unfortunately, that is still difficult for me. I haven't honestly watched it in so long that I'm having troubles with the order of Angel encounters. Basically, it has to begin during a battle with an angel, sometime after Gendo gets ahold of Embryo Adam (which is early on, anyway), after Asuka and SHinji have had sufficient time to become exasperated with each other, before the death of REI II and Asuka's mind-rape, and before Kaji dies. I need some sort of crazy timeline of major events in the series... bah. Maybe the primordeal soup-Shinji would work? I could make it so that the others were caught off guard during that attack and after SHinji had been sucked into the Angel. Since he came back mostly due to his mother, and the angel would have remained undestroyed while NERV was attacked... perhaps it moved when adam was moved and Shinji got out somewhere further off; killed the angel, and hid the Eva... only to be immediately picked up...? That's some totally un-though-about ideas spouting, but maybe I'll doctor it up and use it. I have more concrete plans that it will fit into... hmmm

I will go ahead and say it again: this simply won't make sense if I even attempt to tie it back into the series at some point. That's not to say that it's not headed for the same finish... so to speak, but it certainly won't just connect in with episode 21, or anything so neat. The whole concept of fanfiction is taking lisence, so that's what I'm chalking up my ragged storyline to.

As always, thanks for reading and being patient. This is to be enjoyed and I thanks you for giving it a purpose. If you want to thank me (just making wild assumptions that somebody must like it enough to get this far, lol), then give me feedback on my ideas and help me find an Angel spot in the series to use. The name of the Shadow Angel would help. teehee

Pues... Gracias!

The Author


	11. Chapter 10 Knowing Your Limits

1Chapter 10: Welcome to the Crew

The last week of Asuka's recovery was filled with the intensity of preparations. With the addition of the teen pilots to DEA's vague plans, everything could apparently be sped up. The air was charged with a new urgency as every staff member focused on mobilization. As soon as the doctors deemed Asuka to be healthy enough for sea travel, DEA's "New York Sector" was sending the bulk of it's clientele across the Atlantic. Being hardly briefed on just what could be sped up or why there was such a rush to do it, the pilots simply lazed about and watched the worker bees buzz. It was strange to find themselves with nothing to do, but their bodies welcomed a reprieve from tension and abuse.

With a speed that astonished them both, the doctors performed physicals and collected basic data on the pilots' health. Everything recorded went into more red folders: blood type, metabolism, blood pressure, DNA hair samples, urine samples… samples of all sorts of things that the children gave up with shrugs or winces. They were tested for every anomaly, mutation, or defect that could be revealed without prior reasonable suspicion and one nurse even performed an allergy test. Shinji discovered an allergic reaction to some awful thing called a "fire ant", much to his surprise. Asuka smirked with a superior air when she did not react to any of the allergen samples, but was shocked to learn that her malnutrition had included a slight case of scurvy before DEA's treatment. Being the young teens that they were, an endless discussion of pirates ensued and infected the entire nurse staff.

There was no doubt that the addition of the strong-headed youths boosted the morale of DEA's younger members. For the first time in a long time, jokes spread through the hallways and more than a few employees were growing excited for the "cruise" to their Scotland base. With sarcastic talk of pirates and sun tans, the men loaded inconspicuous mail trucks and vans with precious equipment. Because the secrecy of the move was paramount, even the superior figures of DEA did not rebuke the nonsense and humorous talk. Better to talk about jolly rodgers than the actual plans. Only one man was straight-faced and sober, much to Shinji's amusement.

Gordon did not throw a pirate snarl back to his men or tousle Shinji's hair when he checked in on Asuka. His stubble was back and long shadows seemed to cling to his face in any light. This was not lost on Asuka and she decided that it was an important detail; something to talk to Shinji about. At last strong enough to walk around, she waited patiently until everyone had settled down for the night. Most of the staff were out of the building and setting up their departure for the following morning, so this was her best chance to talk to Shinji privately—about Gordon, the departure, and his secret. It was late, but she knew how to find his room.

Ever since signing into DEA, the pilots had been unable to meet privately. Whether it was intentional or incidental did not concern Asuka. She had already made up her mind about the sketchy way she was kept separate from Shinji. There always seemed to be someone hanging around them. Their physicals, therapy, and meetings with Gordon had been separate, of course; but there was no explanation for the way they were shepherded into separate rooms during the several hours of down time each day.

Although they sat together, and apart from all others at meal times; they never had a chance to discuss their commitment to DEA and what came next. Asuka suspected that the whirlwind of confusion was convenient for Gordon. There was no time to answer their questions or explain anything. The perpetual response was, "As soon as we get to the UK, you'll see. Just wait." They were decidedly unsatisfied with that answer, but the prospect of traveling to a place far out of the way of Angels or a NERV branch was welcome. Scotland and the bulk of the surrounding isles had been uninhabitable for almost three years after the Second Impact, but weather patterns had regulated enough to make it livable and largely unpopulated in coastal areas. It's only NERV base was the smallest in existence. There wasn't even a division to develop its own Eva.

With as much stealth as she could manage, a barefooted Asuka padded into the hallway outside her room, rolling her IV tree with her. The way was clear and she swiftly crossed to the end of the hall and around a corner. There she leaned against the door that should be Shinji's, if she had remembered his directions correctly. Already out of breath, she twisted the handle slowly until it clicked. The door was heavy and swung silently into the dim room where he was napping lightly on his cot. Shinji had obviously been waiting with his head propped up on one hand, but exhaustion took over and left him wide-mouthed and snoring. Asuka carefully closed the door and dropped down at the foot of the bed, equally tired and not a little amused at the boy's sleeping face. Her presence jolted him to waking and he sat up to face her, wiping his mouth on his forearm.

"We need to talk." She said gravely. "We've got a lot to decide and no time to do it."

Shinji nodded and stretched, prepared for a mental lashing from his friend. "Okay, let's get to it. You first."

"Did you tell him?" She raised her eyebrows urgently. The dim light made her already exaggerated features stand out sharply with shadows. He was getting used to her shaved head, but her expressions were still doubly effective.

"No. Not yet… I'm still a little confused about it. Besides, I wanted to know your ideas first."

"I think he's made up his mind about it. He must have, or he wouldn't have let us out of that room. Not that I could have told him much…"

"I'm sorry, I really am. I was planning to tell you but so much happened."

"Forget it. Don't ever be sorry, just don't keep things from me. Especially things like the existence of a giant weapon that should be destroyed, by all logic." She sighed, letting her anger go in a hot breath. There was no use in getting worked up about Shinji forgetting to share the details of his capture with her. A lot _had_ happened… She guessed that the main reason he hadn't told her about hiding his Eva—aside from their separation and desperate situations over the last months, was guilt. Not for keeping the secret from her, but for keeping it from Seele in that hellish camp. They left that awful fact unsaid: If he had told Seele about his Eva, she wouldn't have been the choice for the experiments. Asuka wasn't sure that she would have changed her situation, even now. Her torture only made her more resolute in her hatred for Seele and keeping unit 001 from them was important. How could she have wanted to save herself by sacrificing Shinji with unit 001, and therefore the fate of the planet?

"Anyway… I haven't told him anything. I didn't deny it, though."

"Good. You're a horrible liar. You've got the poker face of a toddler."

"Hey!" he retorted with a crack in his voice. Asuka raised her eyebrows in a way that meant "case and point". She scooted back on the bed until her back was against the wall and closed her eyes. Shinji watched her and did the same, keeping a fair distance. "Anyway… I guess you want to know how I managed to hide a giant purple weapon and still get captured."

"And how those idiots didn't think you knew where it was. Did they even question you?"

"Yes… but it wasn't so much of a 'questioning', as a 'suggesting'. They never asked me if or where I hid it. They seemed pretty sure that it was destroyed. They asked me things like, 'when you ejected, what happened to it? Where will we find the head? How much of the body is intact? Where did you land…?'"

"They assumed that your Eva was wrecked, like mine."

"Yes, but they couldn't find any pieces. I never answered them directly. I would just start screaming and covering my face…"

Asuka squinted at him. "You faked trauma?"

"Well… it was mostly fake. Whenever I started those fits, some men would hold me down until I stopped. The only thing I ever told them about the Eva was a lie. I said the angel was eating me." Shinji's eyes glossed over with memory… how close to true, but not quite. Asuka was impressed with the thought that he had given his situation. Se would have never guessed that he had it in him to fool his captors into thinking him mad. Why hadn't they suspected something…?

"I guess you were pretty convincing… It's hard for me to believe they didn't torture you. So… what _did_ you do with your Eva. How did you hide it? How did you get away from the angel _and_ Seele?" At last the question was asked. Shinji leaned forward to hold his knees and took a loud breath.

"It all happened so fast." He began. "When I saw Rei go down, I tried to run to pull the angel off of you, but my power cable was severed and swung around to trip me. If it hadn't been for that fall, I wouldn't have noticed all of the tanks swarming in the streets."

"You… tripped."

"Yeah, I fell. It was a good thing, though. At first I assumed the tanks were after the angel for some reason, but when I fell they all started to point their guns at me. I know it wouldn't have done them much good with those weapons, but I was panicking. I started swatting them away as I got to my feet, and I ran to see if they would train their missiles for me if I moved. They didn't. As I ran towards you, I saw them crushing NERV cars and filing towards headquarters…"

"I never saw that part. The angel was…faster than me and I didn't get a good look at anything."

"I saw it decapitate you. Someone must have been watching out for you in NERV at that point. I lost contact with them before I could warn anyone, but someone must have disconnected you before you were hit and ejected." Both pilots felt a sudden heavy sadness for that someone pull at their hearts. Someone who was now dead or worse at the hands of SEELE. "When you stopped responding, I ran. The angel was following me and I wanted to lead it away from your plug. If I had known about the jets, I would have taken care of them first…"

"Where did you go? I thought your power was cut."

"It was. I only had about a minute to do something, so I ran to the nearest beach. The angel was so hard to attack, with the way it kept on the offensive. I took a lot of damage and only had seconds left of power. Then I lost it."

"The angel?"

"No—awareness. I felt my panic rise to the point where I couldn't focus on anything. I thought I was drowning in the LCL. I glanced over the angel and saw about 40 planes headed for the city pass by without dropping any N2 mines. I thought that was the end. Then I remember the entry plug going dark and hearing the angel pounding against my chest…the Eva's chest. I'm pretty sure it threw me into the water." Shinji's eyebrows furrowed and he rubbed his forehead.

"Then what?"

"I guess I went berserk. I must have walked along the floor under water and gone after the angel. I think I threw it into some trees. I don't know how far we got from that point, but when I woke up fully, my plug had ejected and I was being pulled out by soldiers. I remember a helicopter and someone doing cpr on me—then I was at the camp."

"Wait—so you don't know where your Eva is? You went berserk and the thing ejected you? How is that possible?!" Asuka hated being confused when this was so important.

"That's all I remember for certain, but there is something else. When I got in the helicopter, there was no ocean in sight. I must have been in the Eva for a while before it ejected me. It either was eaten by the angel… or…"

"What?" Asuka watched him rub his temples and saw that it was hard for him to make sense of it all. She softened her voice. "You don't think that's what happened, do you?"

"No. I can't remember it myself, but I keep having this dream. I'm standing over the angel in some gorge and I'm… I'm eating the core. Every night… It's always exactly the same dream. I'm eating the angel and then I'm not in control anymore. I rip—no, the Eva rips out my entry plug and tosses it and I'm flying through the air. That's it. That's when I wake up." He shuddered and closed his eyes. "I don't know where the Eva is. Seele could really have it for all I know… but maybe it hid itself."

"Impossible…" It wasn't a statement so much as a desperate questioning of what appeared to be the only answer. Asuka shook her head slowly.

"I know it sounds… insane, but I think that there's a chance the Eva gained enough power to control itself. "

"That goes against everything I ever learned…"

"Maybe it's something you were never _taught_… or nobody understood." Shinji offered. "I remember when I first saw unit 001, it acted on it's own to shield me from some debris in the holding cage. We were under attack and Gendo was asking me to pilot when I was almost crushed by a piece of something that the angel's attack knocked loose. It was able to free its arm from the restraints and shield me without my ever piloting it." Shinji thought hard about what he just said. "And I wonder… why they call them 'restraints', anyway…"

"Okay, so what were getting down to is the evas can probably move on their own. At least, unit 001 can. Maybe it did hide itself. But where? For how long? I just don't feel safe about taking any of this as concrete. I don't think SEELE has it, though…" she said. "If I had to draw one conclusion from this, it would be that nobody knows where that eva is… and now at least DEA thinks that you do."

"Yeah.. I've been worried about that. Something tells me that Gordon won't be too pleased when he finds out that I have no real clues for him about the eva. Sure; I can help him by answering questions… but in the end we're unable to give him what he wants."

"Unit 001. I'm sure that's all he wanted from the start. Maybe he is upset about using young pilots… who knows for sure? Doesn't it all seem too neat?"

Shinji nodded and leaned back against the wall again to stare at the tiled ceiling. "So what can I tell him? We need their help… we're alone in this and the only chance to save anyone from this mess. SEELE's trying to capture us, NERV is gone, Unit 001 could be anywhere… and then there's still the Angels to worry about. Everyone is missing or dead and we'll probably never really know. I'm so stressed out…" His eyes were closed, but Asuka could tell he wanted to cry. She looked away but did not bash him for weakness. This time—she could accept it.

"Let's not try to control things out of our hands, okay?" She squeezed his shoulder and tried to be comforting despite her own tension. We need to worry about us, first. Then we can assess our ability to make a difference." Suddenly she wondered why nobody had ever given her that same advice.

He sighed and blinked back his tears before they could escape. "Okay. Let's do that."

"Right. First of all we need to go over what we know. Where are we?"

"New Yorku, New Yorku" he mumbled.

"_New-York_. Close enough. Okay we're headed to Scotland. We'll be closer to Japan, but still very far. Scotland is closer to Germany, and I've been there before. Now—what else do we know?" she felt like a teacher.

"DEA can help us stay hidden from SEELE, and maybe find someone from NERV. That's important." He saw her nod and continued, "And Gordon probably wants unit 001. We need his help, so we should cooperate with him without letting him know that the Eva is… loose."

"Good thinking. The sooner we find someone else we can trust, the better. So let's focus on getting our strength back, staying hidden, finding help, and answering our questions. We'll leave it to the bigger powers to worry about SEELE, the Angels, and the likelihood that war will break out soon. There's nothing we can do about that." She sighed and felt a little better, having organized her thoughts. _As long as we keep hope… I can't do this if we don't have a plan._

Shinji seemed tremendously relieved to have Asuka's advice and restrained himself from hugging her with thanks. For one she had smoothed him out instead of ruffling his feathers. "Thanks. I'm glad we were finally able to meet up without a chaperone." He beamed at her without knowing how his last sentence sounded. Se couldn't help but laugh quietly—causing him to blush a bit before laughing as well.

"About that. I should probably sneak back to my room before someone catches us and makes a crazy assumption," she smirked.

"Better a crazy one than the right one. We can't let anyone know that we're keeping information from DEA, even vague details."

"True… but I'd rather prevent the chance that _any _assumptions will be made. I'm heading back." She slid from the bed silently, keeping her gown in check. Shinji watched her and felt loneliness creep in. He leaned forward, reached for her wrist, and caught it lightly, causing her to freeze in mid-step.

"What is it?" she asked with concern.

"Make sure we don't get separated tomorrow," He asked quietly.

"Let's both make sure."


	12. Chapter 11 Chambers and Waves

1Chapter 11

Chambers and Waves

In the very same Chinese bunker that housed the captured NERV officer, lurked the so-called rat. He was certainly cunning and sneaky enough to earn this title, but thought of himself as a fox or at least a weasel. After all; rats were dirty. With a gloved hand he swept through his closely cropped, dyed blonde hair and pulled at a considerably thick mustache. His stolen uniform and gun shone with the care of a proud soldier and he could almost see himself in the glint from his boots. _Definitely cleaner than a rat._

Yet "rat" was his unofficial title according the men in uniforms to match his own. They did not know it, but he was the rat who had managed to escape detection and avoid capture these long months since the raid. He had more enemies than any man alive, but none of them knew who he was, now. Blamed for NERV's downfall and hunted out of fear by SEELE and those under their control, he was dubbed by all: a rat.

For the fist time since college, he was a man without an allegiance. And for the first time since second impact, he was without two allegiances. _No more spying and no more secrets,_ he promised himself. Those parts of his life died with his identity. With Rioji Kaji _killed _in the raid on NERV, he was now, simply, J. Kairo. A simpler name made frm the letters of his old one. He was a man without missions.

Except for this last one.

With practiced nonchalance he made his way deeper and deeper into the Chinese SEELE bunker. Of course, he knew all of the access codes for each level. His years as a spy paid off and his charisma gained him entrance to many gates that he shouldn't have had access to. This was the 4th base he had searched, but all of his research as _Private Kairo _led him to believe that this would be his last search. From going to bars with the soldiers, to gaining access to secret resources of information; he had pinpointed this location as the hiding place for any surviving NERV personnel. He had almost earned a promotion because of the apparent devotion to duty he exuded in attempts to win over comrades and superiors. He seemed to be the ideal, intelligent, devoted, and strong soldier. Mentally, however; he was suffering and weak.

Years of careful work with SEELE and NERV had been all for naught and he lost everyone dear to him because of it. Perhaps it was no mistake of his that caused an information leak to SEELE about Adam's presence in headquarters. Perhaps someone else on the inside tipped them off. It seemed more likely to him that _nobody _could have uncovered his tracks and discovered that SEELE's precious Adam was a fake and NERV had begun it's work already... He knew that his secrecy had been perfect so far... And yet, why did he feel like all of the blood was on his hands? There was no self-absolution for what might have been. In his mind, he was responsible and could not live without trying to fix some of this mess; however hopeless it was.

And so, when he finally reached the secret floor of locked cells and interrogation chambers, he put on the mask given to him by the ominously clothed man before him. Everything about this part of the base was ominous. To come here, you had to have a special elevator card that took you to a floor between basement floor 4 and 5. The elevator even sped up so that most of the soldiers would never know about the floor. The walls were several feet thick and made of insulated concrete so as to be soundproof; painted a blaring white. The one long hallway was overly lit by some inset fixtures along the walls and ceiling. Everything was seamless, sterile, and silent, save a small office at the elevator entrance. That glass room contained such creature comforts as a microwave, coffee-maker, and plush chairs. Beside the door was a sink for the men working and a bin full of towels, stained red and pink from the interrogations.

Something else caught his eye from behind the man in the lighter colored mask. Eight screens, each split in half to show two feeds, displayed a bird's eye view of the cells. From where he was standing, he could just make out 4 naked bodies, each crumpled into a far corner of their cell.

Kaji, or Kairo, felt a chill go down his spine. He knew that SEELE was powerful and ruthless, but such medieval tactics had never been part of his knowledge before. Even NERV had interrogation facilities, but nothing like this. A sharp call brought his attention back to the man now giving him orders.

"Private, you are to watch the screens while I gather the others for your briefing. It is important that you keep your mask on. Do not use your name here and do not call the other men by name. You will not refer to this floor, what happens here, who works here, who is held here, or the existence of such a place at all. Not even to your superior officers. Everyone who needs to know you are here, knows. Understand?" The mask had a strange voice, both soft and sharp. Kaji nodded. "If you must address me, call me "Officer". I will address you as "Private". The other men, of which there are two, are also "Private". Look at me when I speak and there will be no confusion. You have nothing to discuss with the others. Do not speak to prisoners. Understand?"

"Yes, Officer." Kaji droned. Without another word, the officer left him to the screens. It took him only seconds to find the one he was looking for, but he had no idea who would be in the cell. The corner of the screen was inconspicuously labeled "NERV", but the prisoner was so small that he could make nothing out from the poor quality of the monitor. Definitely female, which made his heart jump at the prospect of who it may be...but he didn't want to jump to any conclusions. _Just find away into that cell. Cell 4. _

It was only seconds before two men with masks like his approached and nodded to him. One pointed to the coffee and the other began to brew a new pot. He then pointed to Kaji and then to a bucket of water with a cup attached to it by a bit of cable. He understood what was wanted from him, and made his way to the first occupied cell to give the prisoner his daily ration. The other man watched the screen intently, and he knew that there was nothing he could do until he could access cell 4 without surveillance.

Helping a naked man to drink a cup of water was not an experience that Kaji wished to experience again. To see someone, barely his age, reduced to such a shell was almost unbearable. And yet, he experienced it three times before making it to cell 4. Without ceremony, he trudged in with the water and beckoned the prisoner forward for her share. With deliberate slowness and rebellion, she turned to face her corner. Taking some risk, Kaji approached her with the full cup and lightly tapped her shoulder as his own heart raced frantically. Nothing could have prepared him for the shock of the next few seconds.

With impossible speed, she struck out at the man like a snake and sent the cup of water spilling across his face. However; Misato had no time to continue her fight as the look of shock in his eyes was more than she bargained for. Impossibly, Rioji Kaji was standing over her and pulling off his mask; blonde, buzzed, mustached, and soaking wet.

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"Cruise" was hardly the term Asuka would have assigned their voyage with DEA across the Atlantic. The dingy old cruise liner that DEA had decided to use for its transatlantic travels could hardly reach 15 mph and had a tendency to overheat and stop moving for hours at a time. She decided that "crawl" would be more appropriate considering its speed. Shinji, however, found the pace relaxing as he couldn't think of any reason to hurry. The longer they had before the confrontations and decisions that awaited them in Scotland, the better. If it were not for the bitter cold and wind, he imagined that the trip there would be a lot of fun.

But, unfortunately, the weather was biting and he and Asuka spent most of their time in their cabin. It had taken a bit of persuasion, but they managed to convince "Captain" Gordon to let them share a room for the voyage so long as they agreed to be questioned separately about their involvement with NERV. This was a harsh bargain for both of them, but Asuka urged him to take it. Her logic was that if they had the entire voyage to discuss what they would tell Gordon, then it wouldn't matter if they were questioned separately. Even if they were housed seperately here, who's to say that Gordon wouldn't separate them later anyway? Still, it made both teens nervous to think of more isolation among yet more curious strangers. As soon as the pilots agreed to his terms, Gordon began his onslaught of teasing once more, as if the light-hearted side of him was only hibernating.

"You two had better keep it down in there!" he would frequently joke as he passed by late at night. Little did he know that his jokes were making both pilots doubly defensive and shy, each shouting that there was NOTHING going on. Gordon knew that the two were close and hoped that his teasing would prevent them from getting comfortable enough to get closer before he had to separate them during most of their time in the UK. He knew better than to tell them this, but he also knew that teenagers can be strong-headed about things like relationships and he did not want that to be an added factor in his plans. Companionship was important, but it could be nothing more under his watch. Anything more could jeopardize results.

It was the second night of the trip when Shinji awoke to another nightmare about eating angels only to find something spiky against the back of his neck. Although the cabin was adorned with two ancient bunk beds, Asuka had slid in behind him on his bottom bunk and was pretending to sleep with her head against his back. Strangely, he did not find himself feeling awkward or nervous at her contact, and simply slid over and rolled onto his back so that he could see if she was awake.

"I can't sleep" she said defensively, keeping her eyes shut and jaw set. "It's cold and the space heater is too heavy for me to drag it in here." She also found herself free of awkwardness, even if such a move on her part was altogether uncharacteristic. She had lied down beside him before to keep warm, and this seemed just as simple. She honestly wanted to sleep and she was most comfortable beside him.

"I can't stay asleep. Those dreams are waking me up every hour." He sighed and blew his bangs out of his eyes, strangely aware of the chilled air of their cabin. "It is sort of cold in here. Maybe I'll get the heater." Arms by his side, he didn't budge.

"Let's go out on deck. We're already cold anyway." Asuka suggested with a bored tone. "It will feel warmer in here after a walk up there." Shinji sat up and yawned in agreement before swinging his legs off the bed after her. The two wrapped themselves in the coats given to them by the DEA staff and Shinji grabbed their blankets as an afterthought. Silently as possible, they crept though the halls an up the stais to the main deck.

With open amazement, the two stood like children trying to catch snowflakes; jaws agape and faces turned upwards. The immensity of such a star-scape, with absolutely no lights for miles, took their breath away. "Amazing." Shinji breathed.

"It is. It's almost like a dome. The stars go all the way to the horizon..." she said in a voice that was made smaller by their surroundings and the wind that began to chill them. "Lets walk around, I'm freezing." Shinji nodded after a few seconds and put one of the blankets over her shoulders. Wearing his like a cape, he struck a pace and began their walk around the ship.

"Asuka?"

"Yeah?"

"Have you ever just thought about how small we must really be... I mean how insignificant our tiny existence is?" He asked the questions with a distracted look on his face.

"What do you mean, exactly?" she asked. She hoped that this conversation wasn't about to regress to his old habits of apathy.

"Every one of those stars– we can't even see most of the stars, only some closer ones... Anyway, every star is a sun for some other solar system. Or a Galaxy... There could be so many planets full of lives... How could they all be empty? I just can't believe that a God would create so much and only spend time on our little Earth. Especially considering how we treat him..."

"So you believe in a God?"

"I guess so. I've tried not to believe when things got hard, but it seems so instinctual that something created this." he made a wide sweep with a cloaked arm, encompassing the sky and sea. "I believe in intrinsic good and evil, so why not God?"

"I guess I would agree with you on that. But... what do you mean insignificant? If there is a God, and he created and cares for us; how are we insignificant? If we are worthy of the attention of a higher being, the higher being– what do you mean?" She asked. Her philosophy class in college has certainly made her good at questioning other people's logic, and she prized that more than anything else she got from the course.

He thought for a minute and responded, "I'm not sure. Don't you just feel so tiny and inconsequential when you think about the universe? You know: the grand scheme, alternate realities, destiny, existence... Don't you ever question it?"

"Sure. I can never hold on to it, though. Sometimes I start thinking about something to that effect and I'm almost possessed with that feeling... but it's always fleeting. I don't think humans were meant to question their existence, and so we lack the ability to challenge it properly."

"Yeah.. Maybe you're right. I don't ever think about it for too long. Not in the deep way that it comes to me. I used to get upset about it, but I can understand now that I was upset about feeling unwanted in my own small universe, not the grand scheme of things... It's funny, really. I'm one of humanity's last hopes and I feel so unwanted sometimes." He let out a soft laugh and leaned against the railing at the side of the ship. "It's sounds pathetic, I know."

"I don't really think so, and you know I would tell you." She joined him at the rail and smirked at the truth in her statement. "But it is stupid."

He turned to face her, "Why?"

"Because, idiot; everyone wants you. You're the best, the invincible one. Even with the Evas missing or gone; you're the one everyone wants. You make friends so easily without trying.... Even Gordon likes you." She sighed and rested her head on her arm to look down at the starlit waves. "Even I want you around. If anyone should feel unwanted; it's me."

Shinji wasn't sure how to react the first part of her reasoning, but found himself concerned about her last statement. "Why would you feel unwanted, Asuka? You always seemed confident."

"Somebody had to be." she snapped. Shinji supposed that was true. He and Rei never contributed much to the group's morale. "But... I just meant that I was never good enough. Not for Mother, not for NERV, not for Kaji, not even for those monsters at the SEELE camp. Did I tell you what they said they would do if they didn't get results within the month? I know I didn't tell Gordon..."

"N-No." Shinji felt that he was walking on glass.

"They were going to 'dispose' of me. Just like that. Just like some doll that stops saying 'mama' every time you pull her string..." The silence that followed her words was enormous and seemed to stretch across the whole ocean.

"I think you're more than good enough, you know... I've always thought you were great. Everyone loved you and depended on your courage. How could you compare them to SEELE...?"

"You don't understand what it's like to know your own mother would rather die with a doll than live with you. I've spent my whole life trying to be some person that she would have _lived _for..." she whispered. Shinji looked at her and saw the saddest expression he had ever seen in her face, but no tears. Only an icy stare at the waves below. Tremulously, he looked down as well and scooted closer until their shoulders were touching.

"You know... when my mother died, my father didn't want me anymore. I don't have a clear memory of her death or of our family... but I remember being sent away to live with an uncle who had never even met me. Gendo took me to a car and put me in, but someone else buckled me and told me goodbye. My father was already walking away. I remember being alone at the station where the car left me for my uncle and realizing that I was really alone and nobody loved me. I don't think I've ever cried for so long. It took him 2 hours to find me because I was so small and had been left without a single adult to guide me to him. Sometimes I still feel as lost as I did that day."

"Asuka sighed and let her gaze relax. "How did you deal with it? Not having anyone who cares about you?" she asked.

"I care about others. My uncle was a good man, but too old for a small child. Still, he tried to be affectionate with me until I was old enough to make friends. I've always just loved others to surround myself with people who care about me... When I moved, it was hard to accept how cold my Father truly was... I guess I made it harder on myself when it came to making friends because the thought of rejection... just kills me."

"I can see why... I guess I was a pretty dangerous person to be around." she thought aloud.

"Yeah, at first. You weren't all bad, though. I cared enough to try and make you accept me... but I guess I was too afraid to let you know that I cared about you. I thought you wouldn't want to hear it from me, you know?" He mumbled. "Why would you want to be friends with the one person you were so especially critical of?"

"I just wanted you to buck up. I guess... I was too harsh sometimes. I didn't want to want anybody. I was always so volatile and defensive. Now I'm used up and look like a freak. Why would DEA need me? Who really needs me, anyway?" She pulled er blanket tight under her chin and blinked back emotion.

With a deliberate motion, Shinji leaned into her and pulled one cloaked arm over her small shoulders. When she didn't tense or slip away, he rested his head against hers and sighed an exhausted and thankful breath. "I think... I need you." He said in barely a whisper. For a few moments, neither moved a muscle, and everything seemed so much easier; but it didn't last as long as either had hoped. Asuka began to shiver with the moist and cold air that seeped through their layers and chilled them. Shinji removed his arm and recloaked himself. Silently, they walked back to the cabin, lie in their respective beds, and fell into a peaceful sleep.

A/N:

Here's a bit of story development and some more character development to boot! I need my characters to be manageable and less edgy, so I'm working towards that. I don't want to go to far with anything or trap myself into anything plot-wise. So, Kaji is back, though in disguise. The name he took isn't important. I just needed something from his name that wasn't Kari or something equally feminine. I'm sure there are spelling errors, but I'll go ahead and post. The mast copy is the only one I am severely editing; and when I finish, I'll do a re-sweep of it all.

Thanks for the reviews, I wouldn't update if I didn't have them! Gives me a reason to keep making things up. No planning, so far. Just occasional jottings down of ideas and tie-ins. Enjoy


	13. Chapter 12 Out Now, Now What?

A/N:

This is a repost that includes the other half of the story. Sorry if you've already read it, but I sure hope you noticed the repost. I'll put a reminder up before the next chapter. Just wait, things are about to pick up pace again. I'm dealing with characters in GodKnowsWhere, China and the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. The voyage length is not very realistic, but it's fan _fiction._ Giant fighting bio-bots are not realistic. We're just gonna go with it.

This is important: The part about the pilots takes place a good4 or 6 days before the top part. Basically, the news that Kaji gets, initiating his move; has not been initiated in the other character's storyline yet. I'll catch them up next chapter.

So anyway, here's another one. Let me know what you think and whether or not you like the way things are going. Thanks again.

* * *

**Chapter 12**: _Out Now / At Last...Now What?_

In the cold cell, under the constant light that couldn't be blotted out by eyelids, Misato feigned sleep. She had to conserve energy for something, she was sure, so she had stopped refusing her meager rations. However, despite her new desire to gain strength, sleep would not come. Her mind raced frantically, unable to focus. _Kaji is alive... he knows I'm here_. He was probably only yards away from her cell door. Those realizations were overriding her weakened conscience and made it hard to use anything but emotion in her reasoning.

_How did he know to come here? Why is he here, anyway? Did he betray us...? No. He couldn't. What if he did? Why find me? Will he try to rescue me? What of NERV? Is anyone else alive? What does he want...? What does he know?_

So many questions to answer, but no leads to follow. She began to wonder if she had really seen him at all. That blonde and mustachioed Kaji who walked into her cell couldn't have been real, right? Maybe it was her mind finally going. It had been so long since that incident, she wondered if it even happened. All she knew for certain, was that wherever he was an whatever he was up to; she missed him. She thought she had let go of everything, but one look into those eyes had her clawing back to the surface again. To be treated kindly, to hear his voice, to be comforted... all of the things she had given up on were now her driving desires. But to what end? Where was he now? She opened one eye and surveyed the empty cell, careful not to look directly into the surveillance camera mounted above the door. She cleared her throat, and choked back a small sob that slipped out unchecked. Her voice, barely a whisper, echoed off the concrete walls.

"Kaji?"

* * *

Barely 100 feet away, Kaji felt his hair stand on end as a chill ran through his body. Trying to ignore the sensation, he flipped on a small radio and poured a fresh cup of coffee for himself. It was almost 2 AM and he hadn't slept in the 2 days since he had been to Misato's cell. After convincing the other masked soldiers that his mask had _fallen off _that day and that he wasn't about to give up his warden duty, he had avoided going back into cell 4 at all costs. It was killing him inside, but he knew better than to risk a more obvious reaction from her and ruin his only chance at a rescue. Now was a time for planning and careful observation, not emotions.

And so, he was busy. In the long, silent hours of his daily 8 hour shift, his mind was buzzing with plans. While the other masks entertained themselves with a newspaper and portable television, he pretended to play games on a severely outdated palm-pilot. Little did his fellow wardens know that the technological fossil was loaded with a computer virus that would shut down everything in the China HQ for at least 5 minutes before the stolen MAGI could even access the generators. A few simple touch-screen menus and he would have his window for escape... if only it were that simple. Even after acquiring the techno-weapon, nothing was certain.

The up-side to his fabricated black out would be that the MAGI couldn't initiate a full lock-down, dooming him to capture and a fate similar to Misato's. The downside was that none of the elevators would work, and there were obviously no stairs leading to a secret floor. On top of that, most of the exterior doors to the building were fully automated, requiring access cards and running through the MAGI. Without electricity, he couldn't leave the facility, and after the black out, the MAGI would initiate a lock-down anyway. Nothing was ever easy....

So in the hours that he was not required for other SEELE operations work, he was exploring the facility and making a mental map of all windows or possible escapes on the first two ground floors. The first floor was hopeless. Although there were two manual doors and an entire wall of glass leading to the public entrance, every SEELE employee was heavily armed and there were "greeters" with tasers at each door. The public entrance was obviously for show to keep anyone from questioning a large building built so close to a nuclear power plant, but was no less defended for it's office-building appearance. Nothing was left to chance.

His only hope, realistically, was the second floor. It was, in part, an extension of the pseudo-office. There were receptionists and conference rooms for the SEELE personnel who dealt with the building's disguise as a biological "green" research center. If anyone was interested enough in the large "Bio-New" logo on the facility's front gate, then they would be dealt with there. Ironically, the entire HQ was powered directly by the electricity generated from the power plant, which SEELE owned and operated.

The second floor had several un-barred windows, but was too high from the ground to jump from. There were, however, two fire escapes into the fake parking lot under which rested a multitude of weaponry and military vehicles. If he was cautious enough, he hoped to reach one of those escapes before the power cut back on, with Misato in tow. He would then steal a car, hide her in the back, and make his way out. Visions of gunfire and capture flashed across his thoughts, making him sweat. _This is going to be impossible... but there's no other way out._ Now, he was only waiting for the best time to overtake his fellow wardens and get her to a staircase on the next floor. There he would activate his virus and run for it... A bead of perspiration ran down his neck and disappeared into the black uniform. _It will have to be tonight..._ Of that one thought, he was certain.

Recent news had bubbled up from the top-secret sections of HQ that SEELE was about to recapture the pilots that had miraculously escaped almost two months ago. Kaji knew all about the many programs which operated in the shadows of NERV and SEELE. He had personally seen the NERV order to shut down the Jet-Alone project before it sapped funding from either of the giants, and spent time doing side-work for NERV dealing with the chaotic shut-downs of other small programs. Now that SEELE was the only real power, essentially a puppet-master over any remaining NERV bases, the world was crawling with radicals and revolutionaries unchecked, all creating new ways to defeat the Angels. Suddenly, it seemed; that the two children who Kaji had personally scoured SEELE's databases for were being offered over for a king's ransom by a program called DEA. What DEA was, Kaji did not know, but he was certain that he would have to move fast to intercept the transaction. Once SEELE had the children in their clutches again, there would be no hope of rescue or escape.

He looked up from his lost game of tetris to see the other wardens still distracted. One was practically asleep, and nodding off into his newspaper. It was time. Silently, Kaji stood and slipped his pal pilot into a front pocket. The room had no surveillance cameras connecting to other floors because of the level of it's secrecy, even amongst the other personnel. He reached for the silenced pistol at his belt and in two swift gestures, permanently silenced the other masks. Shaking, he exchanged the gun for one at a dead guard's belt, and headed to cell 4. His blood surged with adrenalin and the exhaustion of the past two days evaporated in the heat of his urgency. He kicked open the door and ripped of his mask at the same time, startling Misato. She was standing only feet away, bracing herself with a hand against a wall so that she could face him directly.

"Misato..." he said, out of breath. "We're leaving, now." her face was contorted with emotions that he could not trace and her mouth moved silently, unable to form words. He felt his heart clench at the sight, and reached out for her carefully. "I'm sorry it took me so long. Please trust me."

She shuddered at his touch on her shoulder and closed her eyes, sending tears to smack against the floor. With a sigh she let herself fall towards him, and cling to his chest. "Let's go..."

"Hold on" he said. Clearing his head of emotion, he scooped her up and began to run to the elevator, stopping only to grab the blanket he had stowed under his desk in the office. Once inside, he selected basement floor 1 and pulled out the palm-pilot. With Misato leaning against him, but walking on her own; they made their way into the stairwell as he activated the virus. For a fleeting five seconds, nothing happened, and he felt his heart skip several beats. Then, just as he was about to get back in the elevator and prepare to shoot everyone on the second floor, everything went pitch black. Using the light from the palm pilot, he began to swiftly climb the several flights stairs to the second floor.

"Kaji... how are we going to get out? We'll be seen." Misato panicked and craned her neck to see around his shoulder.

"Shh... just stay calm and hide your face. Most of the people upstairs don't even know you're here." Kaji hoped that his words were as true as he determined they would be. On the second flight of stairs, he heard someone dash past them, but just as he suspected, the man didn't look up from the stairs illuminated by his cell phone. Several others passed, but Kaji had taken the opportunity to tuck the palm pilot into a pocket, making it harder to identify his bundle. He could hear shouting and crashing sounds from the first floor as he climbed past the stairwell entrance and made his way further up. In about two minutes the lights would cut back on and he would be faced with a whole lot of nervous, suspicious men with guns between him and the fire escape. This thought gave him a boost of speed that sent him up the last flight in seconds flat. Misato's head lolled and jerked oddly as he bounced upwards and into the stairway entrance at their destination.

"Okay. When I get to that door over there, I'm going to need you to stand up, okay? It's a fire escape, and it's our only way out." he whispered into her hair as he struggled to free his pistol while holding her with one arm. Although she was incredibly light, he knew he couldn't maneuver to shoot if he was holding her.

"Okay... put me down now." she opted, swinging her legs to the ground and standing on unsure feet. He nodded and let her down, but kept one arm around her middle so that he could pull he if need be. Somewhere from across the massive open floor of cubicles, he heard the click of a pistol being freed from it's holster, mingled with worried voices. Several cell phones buzzed and the word "escape" rushed through the sounds like a draft. Flashlight beams swivelled around and one stopped directly at his feet. Only armed personnel bothered to carry flashlights...

"Run...!" he breathed.

With strength lent to her from the arm around her hip, she limped as quickly as she could while hunching low enough to gain cover from the cubicles. Kaji stepped on her blanket and she let it go, afraid of tripping him up. Now stark naked, there was no denying that they would be stopped if seen. Pistol in hand, Kaji suddenly let her fall to the floor and stood up to shoot a man with a light coming around the closest corner. The bullet hit him in the neck, just above the collarbone and he crumpled to the carpet, quickly staining it. Misato gasped as all of the flashlights in the room were tracing the floor to the dying man and screams of unarmed personnel filled the air. Memories of the raid on NERV ran across her mind and she flinched for a moment before allowing Kaji to scoop her up and continue running.

This time, he did not bother to duck for cover, and leapt over the body with surprising agility. Several shots went off and Misato felt Kaji groan as one hit him from behind. Only slowing for a second, he finished his zigzag through the cubicles and bolted down a hallway, a trail of men stumbling behind him. She clutched the front of his shirt tightly, the impacts of his footfalls jarring her teeth. Thir exit door was just in front of them, but there was no way he's have time to open it.

Suddenly, Kaji veered to the right of the door and turned his back to crash through a full length window, frames and all. Expecting to fall backwards through empty space or stop dead against too-sturdy glass, Misato shrieked and buried her head in his arm. A deafening crash and cracking rattled her nerves and she was numbly aware, through her panic, that her feet were violently battered against splintered wood and broken glass. Kaji shouted as the debris cut his exposed neck and head and his left arm was sliced by a shard that still clung to the frame. And then, for what seemed like an eternity, they were falling backwards through empty space.

It was a complete guess, because he didn't remember specifically, but the stairs of the fire escape went right before left on this exit. Instead of falling nearly 30 feet and breaking his legs or back, Kaji slammed into the iron guard rail of some steps only a few feet down from the second story floor. Muffling a cry of pain as his back hit the rail, he gasped and began to stumble down the stairs with whatever caution he could spare. Misato finally opened her eyes when they reached the end of the steps and looked up to see the other men just coming through the door. As Kaji cleared the parking lot towards the nearest car, she noticed that they were silhouetted by lights from inside the building.

The power was back on.

* * *

The remainder of the "cruise" to Scotland in the midst of what Shinji was _finally_ told was February, was bitterly cold. Thanks to a lot of handy people aboard the ship, they were able to increase their speed dramatically and prevent their voyage from lasting the rest of winter. However, it still took an entire week total for them to arrive at the harbor in Port Logan, and the two whining teens were told that this was phenomenal time. Still, Asuka thought that the voyage would never end.

Being anemic and underweight she had an especially hard time of the cold weather. Almost every day was spent in their cabin with a space heater, Shinji keeping her company and avoiding the weather as well. Most of their time was spent sleeping, talking, or stretching to pass the long days on the swaying ship. As Gordon wanted to explain more about DEA to them, this meant spending hours at a time in a small room with the strange man. Shinji and Asuka would sit on one bed and launch volley after volley of questions at Gordon, who took up most of the other bed on his own. To his credit, a lot of questions were answered, but Shinji was especially nervous at the amount of information that was required from him for every small detail he got back. Towards the end of the week, the pilots finally made a breakthrough on their involvement with DEA.

"So, the Jet Alone project... that could have _worked_?" Shinji asked, incredulously. "It looked like there were more than _a few bugs_ to work out when I was trying to keep a giant nuclear bomb with legs from walking into a nearby city."

"I know what it _looked_ like, Shinji. It's not appearances you should be concerned with. NERV headquarters were invited to attend the Jet Alone project launch. There _were_ a few bugs to work out, but not enough to keep the government from funding Jet Alone instead of NERV. You realize that someone has to be paying for the endless research, repairs, fuel, power... -"

"Yes, I realize that. So what are you saying?" Shinji interrupted, avoiding the topic change. Gordon smiled at the boy's growing ability to argue.

"What I'm telling you, is that someone within NERV arranged for that little "incident" with their robot. If that demonstration had gone well, it wouldn't have been long before those robots could have replaced you, and the whole of NERV." Gordon let his statement sink in before turning his gaze on Asuka. "That would have saved _everyone_ a lot of trouble. Sure, the nuclear power is expensive and dangerous, but if NERV would share some secrets for Angel-effective weaponry and power storage, wouldn't it have been better than sending pilots out to kill or be killed? When did earth's struggle for survival become a contest amongst humans? When is the cost of material more important than the cost of humanity?" Gordon drove his argument home, leaving many questions unanswered as usual.

"Wait..." Asuka said, disturbing Gordon's smile, "Misato herself had to go in and risk her life to shut down the robot. An entire city was almost destroyed. If not for her efforts -"

"But wait-- you are forgetting something. If, in my scenario, NERV had controlled the "incident", then who is to say that Misato was ever in any danger?"

"What do you mean?" Shinji challenged. He did not like the way Gordon was turning this on his guardian. "Misato would never participate in something like that. She did what she did out of bravery."

"Even so." stated Gordon, "If this woman is truly a heroic and noble person, then it's still possible for my arguement to hold up. If anything, it is more likely that NERV allowed her to "risk" her life because they knew that they had things under control. If their finger was already on the button, so-to-speak; then her saving-the-day would only play favor to NERV without risk. In the end, Jet Alone appeared to be a dangerous failure and NERV came out as the hero."

"So... honestly, Gordon; do you think that the accident was staged? Are you sure that there wasn't a mistake on Jet Alone's part? I want to hear your reasoning for that." Asuka pried.

"There were DEA personnell participating in the Jet Alone project, and we supported them enthusiastically. Because of this, we know a great deal more about that incident than most people at NERV. The likelihood that SEELE was stressed for funding NERV is a factor to consider. Never mind the hints of secret projects and research that was not linked with the Evas... Putting all facts for that argument aside, I honestly believe that Jet Alone was sabotaged because their technology was efficient and well controlled. A disaster of such magnitude could not have occurred without the circumstance of foul play, and the miracle of its end would have required help from the outside. According to men who have seen blueprints of the nuclear center of the root, no man could have manually shut it down in such a short amount of time." Shinji turned the story over and over in his head, finding more things to consider.

"And you honestly believe if could have fought Angels? I saw it walk, and it was nothing impressive. How could it fight effectively without human instinct and reactions?" Shinji questioned. He looked out of the corner of his eye to see Asuka nodding.

"How effective can a remote-controlled vehicle be, even if it did have weapons technology from NERV?" she added.

Gordon's grin reappeared and he sat back on the bed comfortably. "Now we've hit it! Now we're at the core of this monster. 'What is it that DEA wants to do?'." He caught their reactions and continued. "I expressed the same concerns with utilizing a remote technology that would be inferior in combat to actual piloting. It is an age old story of technology versus instinct, and instinct has always held it's place at the top of the chain. This is why DEA did not simply join Jet Alone or other, similar projects. We are a conflicted program that both acknowledges the power of instinct and it's moral conflicts. We were appalled at the amount of money that dissipated into mysterious organizations without explanation. Just this year, pilot-aged children began to be coerced into some program set up by SEELE. We saw competition where there should have been cooperation. And so, we began our own little projects."

"And..." Asuka pried, after a long silence.

"And it's waiting for us in Stoney Kirk, Scotland. We're combining technologies and we need your help. There might just be a way to control a weapon, like Jet Alone, with the same accuracy as an Eva; from a distance. It's actually very complicated, but with the help of two pilots used to synchronization and experience in the late Tokyo-3 NERV, there's more than just hope. I think there's promise." Gordon's expression was honest and open for once and Shinji was at last convinced of his good intent. Asuka tentatively searched the man for some quirk in his explanation.

"And when we get there," she said, "You're going to show us how this could work? Because, to be honest... I'm more than skeptical. How on earth could you have obtained technology and weapons equal to our- I mean the Evas? I spent my whole life wrapped up in this, and I doubt that you'll be able to get access to any weapon's technology." She rubbed her templed in frustration. In some deep part of her mind, she really wanted to believe that there was another way.

"That's where you come in, both of you."

Shinji raised an eyebrow, "You expect us to know something about how our weapons worked? I don't even know what's in an N2 Mine, much less our guns. I mean, you've got the progressive knife, but that's..."

"Don't worry about it, Shinji, Asuka. It doesn't help to worry. I'm asking you both to trust this program to keep your best interests in mind and protect you in return for any help you can give us. You must also realize that as long as you are with me, you'll be out of reach of others who would not offer such a bargain." Once again, a comfort laced with a threat seeped into the pilots' awareness. "We'll all do what's best for this planet by finding a way to save ourselves from the Angels and those who would risk our planet in the name of science. We're looking for a way to keep existing, but our existence must be worthwhile. Remember that."

Shinji sighed and closed his eyes, exhausted from the whole conversation. Even when he answers questions he leaves me lost and unsure. Asuka noticed his drained expression and sympathised with him. From possibilities of secret projects concerning second impact to the Jet Alone fiasco, the conversation had taken three hours. Most of it had been Gordon's tangled dialogue. She closed her eyes as well and slumped back against the wall beside her bed. Taking his cue to leave, Gordon stood up and had to couch to keep from hitting his head on the ceiling.

"It's not late, but you two could do with some sleep. I'll be on deck if you need anything." He tousled Shinji's hair on the way out, and they waited until his footsteps were distant before letting out their breaths of frustration.

"He's infuriating." Asuka pointed out. "And what's worse, he is extremely intelligent."

"And unsettling. I just.. I want to trust him, but it's difficult. WHat do you think?" SHinji asked.

"I just want off of this ship so I don't have to spend so much time with the creep. I agree with you, but he's just so inconsistent. And I'm not sire if I'm buying the Jet Alone explanation. Do you think that Misato would lie to us?"

"No. But I do think that someone would lie to Misato. Who knows how high the puppet strings could go?"

"I bet that Gendo knew, if what Gordon was saying is true." Asuka sighed.

"Oh, I don't want to talk about him right now. I'm irritated enough. And now I'll never sleep with so much to think about. And it's too cold in here." Shinji grumbled. Seeing that the heater was on its pathetic full-blast, he slid under the blanket of the bed to try and warm his legs. His feet had become ice cold from the moisture seeping up through the floor. Asuka frowned at him and walked to her side of the room.

"Turn around, I'm changing into something warmer." Asuka demanded.

"Yes ma'am," he replied, rolling over to face the wall. He listened to the rustle of cloth as she changed, but kept his eyes in check. Suddenly, a new thought occurred to him. "Wait!" He sat up and squeezed his eyes shut before facing her. "Where did you get more clothes?"

"Shinji! Oh.." she noticed that his eyes were closed. After staring at him a moment to be sure he wasn't peeking, she continued to dress in an oversized sweatshirt, hideous tights, and baggy pair of mismatched sweatpants. "I asked one of the women on board who brought me lunch. She said she had some extra clothed that I could have. What's your problem?... All clear."

He opened his eyes and snorted at the baggy apparel that he found himself jealous of. He was wearing the same too-big sweatpants, with bloodstains and all; and nothing more than a long-sleeved tee. "I'm going to get something warmer to wear. Something... cleaner." He decided.

"Go ahead. And get us something to drink while you're out. I'm taking a nap." Asuka was slightly disturbed by the casual routine they had formed that so closely resembled a couple sending each other to the store for this and that. They would spend hours on conversations about absolutely nothing important, only to end up in some argument over what was or wasn't said and by whom. As he left to find more clothing, she wondered; why do we get along better when we're in more trouble?

She wasn't ready to admit it to herself, but she was beginning to like arguing with him in a way that was less sadistic.


End file.
